


Mr. Neighbour

by scarletrobins



Category: Jensen Ackles - Fandom, Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, Cheating, Danneel works too much, Don't bring the hellfire, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, I respect all spouses, Jealousy, Jensen's a house husband, Marital Problems, Reader is an Author, Smut, This is just a story, age gap, kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24841240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletrobins/pseuds/scarletrobins
Summary: Y/n moves far away from London and all her problems there for a new quiet life in a condo. There she meets her sweet neighbour Jensen who's a stay at home dad. They begin a friendship that eventually blossoms into more, but there are obstacles. Mainly, marriage.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris, Jensen Ackles/Reader
Comments: 30
Kudos: 38





	1. New Life, New Condo, New Neighbours

**Author's Note:**

> (y/h/c) - your hair colour
> 
> (y/e/c) - your eye colour

Y/n had done it. She had moved on. After everything that happened she deserved this, she deserved this chance at happiness. Moving a long way from London might have sounded drastic to some people, but it was needed. A big move would help her get her inspiration, her mojo, back. A big move would help her forget everything that happened, and she needed to forget. Desperately. 

It had been two days of moving boxes and watching movers fix up her furniture, and she was exhausted. 

The condo she had picked was nice, and she was happy with her choice. There was grassy areas and a playground, and a weirdly shaped pool, but a pool none the less. There were benches here and there, and the buildings weren't too high, which made a cute intimate sort of environment. She liked it here. 

*****

Y/n let out a final sigh as she closed the door behind the final mover. Finally, it was done. She had officially moved into her new place, and she couldn't help but feel excited. This was her house, her own place. Her first solely owned apartment. 

It was weird thinking at this age that she got her first apartment, but she was still young, and right after she finished college early, she had moved in with... him. No, she wouldn't think about him anymore, it was high time she moved on. Maybe a walk would help, she thought, looking out of the window to the pretty grounds. 

There was grass, and trees, and there seemed to be a soft breeze running through. Yes, a walk. 

She slipped on some shoes, grabbed her keys, and headed out the door. She wore an old Queen shirt she had had for god only knows how long, and a pair of denim shorts. Her hair was up in two cute space buns making her look even younger than she was. 

She spun her keys over her fingers as she walked, taking everything in. It was so pretty here, she couldn't help but think, smiling at everything. From up ahead she heard the sounds of children giggling and squealing happily, a smile making its way onto her face. A playground came into view and she saw a man tickling a little girl, presumably his daughter. As she got closer, she saw the smiles on both their faces, and the fact that there were two other children there as well. They seemed to be twins, and they were laughing at the scene with the cutest baby giggles. 

Her eyes finally landed on the man, and she had to take a deep breath because, damn. He wore a plain grey shirt and dark wash jeans. Muscles bulged from his arms and she could almost see the abs through his shirt. He had short hair that was the perfect balance between dark blond and light brown. He had tan skin and she could see the early signs of incoming stubble. His eyes were squinted with laughter and she couldn't see them, but judging by the rest of him they would probably be beautiful too. 

The little girl in his arms was definitely his daughter. Her hair was the same colour as his probably had been before. She wore a pair of jeans and a black shirt covered with little cherries all over. The twins, who seemed to be around two years old, wore matching outfits except in red and blue, looking much too adorable. 

Y/n smiled at the scene in front of her, at how cute it was, at how she wished her future husband would be like that with her kids. The man looked up and saw her looking as she slowly strolled by, a smile pulling at his lips. 

"Hi!" He called, putting his daughter down and waving. Y/n looked around, wondering if he was talking to someone else, but she was the only other person out there. 

A chuckle left his lips and she blushed, stepping closer till she was right in front of the playground. He quickly mumbled something to the little girl about playing with her siblings, before brushing his hands down his pants, and walking closer. "Hey, you're our new neighbour right?" 

She had been right, he had beautiful eyes. They were bright green with flecks of gold and brown closer to the pupil. 

"Uh, yeah, hi," she blushed again at the way she had been blatantly staring. He just kept smiling.   
"I'm Jensen, we live in 2-13," he told her, holding his hand out. She shook it and smiled at him, trying not to melt at the way his warm hand gripped hers so firmly.   
"I'm Y/n, it's nice to meet you," her eyes sparkled as she looked at him.   
"It's nice to meet you too, so where did you move from?" He asked politely, both of them letting their hands drop to their sides. 

Y/n tired not to shudder at the question and answered as simply as she could. 

"I moved here from London," she told him, nodding along with him.   
"Wow, that's a far way to go," she smiled at his words and laughed, mumbling a 'yeah.'  
"So where are you from?" She asked, averting her gaze because she couldn't look into his captivating eyes too long.   
"Well I'm from Texas," he told her with a proud smile, lips widening when he heard her giggle. "What's so funny?"   
"I'm sorry for laughing but I have a friend from Texas and I just remembered how obsessed she was with saying yee haw **(true story)**." She giggled again and wiped at the corners of her eyes, Jensen chuckling along with her.   
"What do you do?" He asked once the laughing had settled and they began to fall into silence. "Your job, I mean."   
"I'm a writer, I'm working on a few different books right now and I'm hoping this move will help inspire me again."

He could see the spark in her eyes when she talked about writing, that glow of passion. He missed having that. 

"Oh that's pretty cool, what kind of books do you write?" He crossed his arms over his chest making the muscles bulge even more, and she tried her hardest not to let her gaze wander to them.   
"I write a bunch of stuff, mostly romance and action fantasy," she told him. "I'm in the middle of a romance novel right now but I'm having a hard time with the inspiration." She let out a small sigh at that before brightening up again. "But I've already had a few books published and I'm just so happy."  
"Oh my god," Jensen gasped suddenly, Y/n jumping slightly. "I know you, my wife has all your books, you're her favourite author," he gushed, smiling at her with a bewildered look in his eyes. 

She blushed and pushed a nonexistent piece of her hair behind her ear. 

"Wow, that's... awesome," she smiled softly.   
"Yeah, keeps gushing about you when she's home, you're very accomplished for such a young person," he smiled brightly, and all she could do was smile back. 

They fell into silence for a bit, both averting their gazes to the children running around the play structure. 

"So, um, do you work?" She asked, trying to distract herself, of course this seemingly perfect man was married, why was she surprised?  
"Heh, no, not anymore, official stay at home dad at your service." He fake saluted, making her laugh.   
"Who are those cuties?" She asked with a smile when they heard the happy squeals of the little children.

They had both resorted to watching the kids with smiles on their faces. 

"Well, the big girl over there is Justice Jay, but we call her JJ. Then we have the two rugrats who are Arrow and Zeppelin," he told her happily, pointing out the twins for her.   
"Absolutely adorable," he heard her mumble, smiling wider. 

They fell into silence again and eventually Y/n knew it had been quiet too long. 

"It was very nice to meet you, and feel free to knock on my door if you need anything, I'm home pretty much all day so," she finished with a smile and a nod.   
"Yeah, it was really nice to meet you too and same goes for you," he said, both of them sending each other small waves before she left to continue her walk around the grounds, Jensen clouding her mind with every step she took. 

****

When Jensen had woken up that morning, not much had been different. Danneel had already left for work, like usual, and her side of the bed was already cold. There had been two things some what out of the usual. 

The first was that JJ was at home, and that meant she still had holidays. The second was the noises. There was loud noises and bangs loud enough to be heard from through the shared wall of the next apartment. While the kids had gotten into their breakfasts, he had opened the front door ready to check what had been going on. That's when he saw the movers and connected the dots. Huh, new neighbour, he thought, going back into the apartment and continuing with his daily routine. 

Jensen missed working. He missed acting, and everything that came with being in a production. He missed it all. It wasn't that he hated spending time with his kids. No, no, that was the part he loved. He loved waking JJ up, and helping all his little ones dress for the day. He loved listening to them tell him about what happened in their perspective, jabbering on in their own little worlds. He liked having time to himself to catch up on shows or books, answer the occasional call, email, or text, but it all became mundane very quickly. 

When he was acting, every day was exciting. New lines, new people, new scenery, it was something to look forward to. He didn't have to iron clothes, and wipe baby food from his hands, or clean up spittle. Most of all, he didn't feel alone. Sure, he technically wasn't 'alone,' but it was very different talking to adults than it was talking to three-six year olds. 

He missed having adult conversations on a regular basis. Jared and Misha were busy at work, and god only knows when was the last time he was awake at the same time as Danneel.

He had stopped working because of the whole spending time with the family thing, and now he barely saw his wife. 

Jensen let out a sigh and looked out the window. The weather seemed quite nice and the kids were probably starting to go stir crazy. He got up and gathered everything they would need before hurrying the kids along. 

He was right, the weather was nice out and he could already feel it's relaxing effects. The toddlers entertained themselves with each other on the and, their father occasionally sending them squealing down a slide. Most of the time though, Jensen spent either watching them or playing around with JJ. 

"You're being boring Dad!" His little girl exclaimed once she got sick of swinging around on the bars of the modestly sized jungle gym. Jensen smirked and scooped her up in his arms, beginning to tickle her mercilessly, he'd show her who was boring. The little girl squealed and giggled loudly and he was happy that he was a good enough dad to bring joy into her life. 

Before JJ was born he had been terrified. He wanted to be a great dad, but he was scared he wouldn't live up to the high expectations he had set himself. Then she was born and everything just seemed to click. By the time the rugrats were born, he felt like he knew some stuff, and was close enough to figure others out correctly. 

He continued tickling JJ mercilessly, even when she began squealing louder. His arms were getting tired and he slowly began to let her down, and just when he looked up a young girl walked past, her eyes trained on them with a smile. 

He had never seen her before, which meant she was new. Jensen was well acquainted with their neighbours, and he knew that he would be able to tell a new person within a few seconds. 

"Hey!" He exclaimed, a little louder than he intended, but it caught her attention none the less. 

She looked around before realising he had to be talking to her. Jensen chuckled, 'that was cute,' he thought. 

He really took her in once she walked over, a smile on his face. She had two small buns on her head which made her look like a child. Then again, she did seem quite young, early twenties probably. She wore a Queen shirt, ha, he loved that, and baby blue denim shorts. She had beautiful skin that seemed to naturally shine in the sunlight. When she got close enough, he saw that there were colours in the buns, meaning she had some dyed hair, but the rest of it was a rich (y/h/c). She had (y/e/c) eyes that looked beautiful in the sunlight and there was a light flush in her cheeks. 

When she finally reached them, and JJ had gone to the jungle gym, he knew he'd like her voice before she even spoke. 


	2. A Walk A Day Keeps The Writing Blues Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n is having trouble finding inspiration for her writing as she grows a friendship with her neighbour.

She banged her head agains the desk, once, twice, then let her head fall and just rest there. Why? Why couldn't she write anymore? She thought after she moved, the inspiration would come back full force. Her ideas would flow like crazy and she'd know exactly what to write. After trying to write while dealing with that shit-show she deserved inspiration, but she was still in that rut. 

"Ugh!" She screamed into the desk, trying her hardest not to rip her hair out. She finally looked up, eyes shooting up to look out the window. The playground sat near the edge of her window, and she could see Jensen sitting on the side playing with one of the twins. Arrow was giggling and poking at her father's nose making Jensen smile. 

Y/n sighed happily, continuing to watch them for a moment. Maybe a walk would be nice, she would definitely have to walk past the playground, and maybe, just maybe, he would say hi again. 

No. Stop thinking like that. Married. Man. She let out another sigh before standing up and walking out of her apartment. A walk a day keeps the writing blues away. 

There he was, in the same spot as before, cuddling with his daughter. She smiled at the scene, and when she saw his head begin to turn, she quickly looked away. 

"Hey!" She heard his deep voice, and this time she didn't hesitate to turn straight around and smile at him.   
"Hey neighbour!" She hollered back, waving. She could see his smile and it made her heart warm, he had such a nice smile. He didn't seem like he was going to say anything else, so she turned back and kept walking, suddenly very conscious of his eyes on her. 

Y/n tried to make sure her back was straight and there was the slightest sway in her hips. 

When Jensen saw her, his automatic reaction was to smile. He didn't know why, it just was, and he kinda didn't mind. The night before, she was in his thoughts most of the time. He couldn't help but imagine her face while he cooked, or tried to guess her opinion on things while he fed the kids. He even thought about her before he went to bed, wondering if she was laying in her bed on the other side of the wall.

He had to break himself away from these thoughts. They were wrong, he was married and she was young, much younger than him. 

"Ugh!" He buried his face in his pillow and tried to fall asleep. 

There she was, walking right by him, and all he could do was say hi. Her smile, so bright, so genuine, all he could do was smile back. He was gonna say something else, maybe ask about her day, try to make better friends, but she was already walking on and that meant he had taken too long. Ugh. 

He went back to the twins, maybe he would say something when she came back. Then again, judging by yesterday, the kids would get bored and he'd be back inside in a little while. He couldn't wait till JJ went back to school. The twins were too young to care if he sat there a long time. Oh god, tat was desperate, did this count as cheating, uff he was disgusted with himself. Jensen began to gather everything and head back, no... just no. 

*****

Days passed like that. Every day she would go for a walk, and there he would be, a smile and a wave ready for her. Every day she was there, walking past with that smile on her face he looked for every time. They had both unconsciously changed their routines to fit around that time. He always made sure he was there before her, and she always made sure to walk when she saw he out there. Eventually this just became a habit. 

*****

Was he really going to do this? Yes. Why? He didn't know. Well he did, he just hadn't admitted it to himself yet. 

Zeppelin stared up at him from his arms and Jensen tore his gaze away from the door was stood in front of and let it land on his son. 

"We gonna do this little buddy?" He asked, and then he heard a sound that made him quiet. He kept listening, and that's when he realised she was singing. It was cute. He listened for a bit more, not even trying to place the song, just enjoying the sound, before knocking on her door. They didn't have all day. 

The door opened and he shifted slightly, putting on his best smile. Her hair was damp and was drying after a shower. She was wearing a black sundress with sunflowers on it, and he couldn't help but think that he whole wardrobe was just unique. 

"Hi," she breathed out, cheeks pink with a blush.   
"Hey," he replied, staying silent for a moment before continuing, after all, he was the one who had knocked. "Zeppelin and I were wondering if you would like to join us at the playground today? It's nice weather out and the company would be appreciated." Jensen wiggled the baby out in front of him a little and smiled when she giggled. Why was he so nervous? "So... would you?" 

She smiled brightly and nodded happily. 

"Yeah, that sounds great, let me just grab my notebooks and my laptop," she turned back around and began scanning her apartment slightly. "Oh! Uh, come in, sorry I'll be right back," she held the door wider and smiled when JJ hopped in. 

Jensen looked around and allowed himself a small smile, she had a nice living room. The couches were black and red and faced a huge flatscreen TV. The walls had various artworks, and one was was covered by the painting of a ballerina. Another wall seemed to have been painted on, but upon closer inspection he realised she had painted on a canvas sheet the size of the wall.

It was beautiful, a silhouette surrounded by sunflowers. 

A small dining table sat near a wall of mirror, and there was a hallway that led to the bedrooms. He could see the kitchen door and led the kids farther toward the couches when he heard her footsteps coming back. 

She had put on sandals and had a laptop bag swung over her shoulder. Her arms clutched notebooks to her chest and a light sheen of sweat made her forehead shine. 

"Sorry that took so long," she huffed out, walking closer as Jensen waved it off.   
"Nah, it's fine, you have a really nice house. "   
"Thanks," she blushed, and Jensen enjoyed the fact that it was because of him.   
"Where did you get all the paintings?" He asked, letting Zeppelin down when he started fidgeting. The kids had begun to explore her apartment, and she didn't mind.   
"The lemons and the ballerina were done by my aunt. The lemons used to hang in our house but I took the painting when I went to college. The ballerina my aunt gave me when I moved out here, I loved it when I was a kid." Y/n sighed quietly and looked to the painting, almost lost in the memories. Jensen took a moment to stare at her before continuing.   
"And what about the sunflowers?" Y/n laughed heartily at that before at him, a mischievous glint in her eye.   
"That's a funny story. Uh, when I got the apartment, since it's a rental they wouldn't let me paint on the walls, so I taped a canvas to the wall. It's like an eff you to management." 

Jensen laughed loudly, and she revelled in the fact that it was because of her. His laugh was deep, and warm, and sent this contagious happiness through her. She made sure to say eff because, well, kids were present. 

Jensen suddenly stopped laughing and she looked at him quickly, worry suddenly shooting through her. His eyes were wide and his mouth had fallen open a little, and he kept looking between her and the canvas. 

"You painted that?!"   
"Heh, yeah," she replied nervously, looking up at him through her lashes with a bashful smile. He just then realised that she had braided her hair. It looked nice.   
"Wow, you are... wow," she chuckled along with him at that before they wrangled the kids and headed down to the playground. 

JJ wanted to hold her hand all the way to the playground, and babbled to Y/n the whole way about anything and everything. Her school life, her holiday, anything she thought. Jensen watched Y/n interact with the little girl, how she was enthusiastic and reacted to everything the little girl said. It brought a gentle smile to his face. 

When they reached the playground JJ ran off and Jensen took the twins to JJ so he could have a moment alone with Y/n. 

When he came back to the bench, where they had set up camp, she had already started laying things out. Her legs were crossed and her laptop sat in front of her. A bunch of the notebooks sat open around her and she was chewing on her lip, eyebrows furrowed. When Jensen sat down in front of her with a sigh, she looked up at him and closed her book. 

"I'm on the verge of tears," she told him, snapping her laptop shut and resting her face on her hands, leaning her elbows on the closed laptop.   
"Why is that?" He asked, mimicking her position before realising his jeans were too tight for this. He ended up straddling the bench and staring into her eyes.   
"I have no inspiration left, it's like all my mojo has been zapped away!" She exclaimed, sitting up in frustration. 

Jensen hid his smile, she was cute when frustrated. They sat in the quiet for a moment before he spoke up. 

"Well, I'm not a writer, but if it helps you could tell me about the story, or anything you need, really," he shrugged and looked back at her. Her eyes shined with promise.   
"Really?"   
"Yeah," he tired smiling encouragingly at her.   
"Wow, no one ever wants to hear my story ideas," she sounded so dejected that it made his heart hurt.   
"Oh come on, that can't be true, you're a world famous author," he tried to reason, maybe he wasn't the best at comforting people.   
"Sure, people read my books, but no one around me ever really cares about how I write it, or the basic story idea. And the basic story idea has always been my favourite," she told him bashfully, a shy smile pulling at her lips.   
"Well, I'm here now," he told her triumphantly, a giggle falling from her lips. "Come on, blow me away writer girl," he laughed, making a 'come at me' motion with his hands.   
"Ok, so the story I'm writing right now is a romance, and it's about these two people who meet when they're in... let's say bad places in their lives. They start to have feelings for each other, and eventually start to take solace in each other, but that's a bad decision, because however much they want to be together, their circumstances just won't let them."

The way she talked so passionately about her story, and even if it was vague, he wanted to read it. Jensen had never been into romance novels, and he was always confused with Danneel's love for them, especially her love for Y/n's but now, sitting here, listening to it, he couldn't help but feel enraptured The way she used hand gestures and had the most sincere tone, it was captivating. 

"But the thing is, they love each other. A lot. The real dilemma here is it they're ready to throw their lives away for this. Are they ready to sacrifice everything they know, everything familiar? Is what they know even right for them?" She finally looked up at him, and the looked he was giving her made a shiver run down her spine. 

There was this intensity in his gaze, this... look as if he could see into her. As if he understood her very being. The next breath she let out was shaky and had her hands trembling. Jensen finally snapped out of it and ran a hand over his hair, looking at her once more. 

"Wow, that's... wow, um, that actually sounds really interesting." Jensen breathed out, fiddling with the corner of her laptop.   
"Yeah, it would be, if I could write it. I've only ever been in love once, and that turned out shit, so... ugh, I don't know." She shook her head annoyedly, before laying back and staring back up at the sky. "Have you been cloud watching recently?" She asked gently.   
"No, I can't say I have," he answered just as softly, looking at her with gentle eyes.   
"Then come on," she got up and lay on the grass next to the bench, patting the spot beside her.

Jensen chuckled and shook his head before going and laying down next to her. There weren't even that many clouds, but it was peaceful. 

Y/n felt like she was floating in the sky. All she could see was blue, and it made her feel serene. As if there was nothing but her and the possibilities the sky held for her. 

Jensen could feel her harm lightly brushing his... and it felt nice. He lay there, enjoying the breeze and the... freedom, yes, that was the right word. The freedom that he felt just laying there and staring into the pretty blue sky. He was himself, unapologetically. He didn't have kids and their spittle to clean up after. He didn't have a cold and lonely bed. He had himself, and his freedom, and that light touch on his arm, and that's all he needed, He locked that feeling away in the back of his mind, ready to harness when he truly needed it. 

A small sigh left Jensen when he heard small feet patter closer to them, and they both sat up to look at the kids. JJ began dragging Y/n to play with them and the woman didn't have the heart to say no, glancing back at Jensen as she was pulled away. 


	3. Meet The Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen and Y/n continue to grow their friendship, and Danneel wants to meet her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (y/n/n) - your nickname

His breath was caught in his throat. Jensen's hands felt clammy and his pulse raced. His eyes scanned the page, each word, each line, his whole being captured in the book. He clutched the book as tight as possible, pushing through each page, desperate to get to the next while not wanting to leave the previous one behind. The book was intense, captivating, happy, sad, absolutely amazing. 

Jensen had put the kids to bed and gone back to his room, scanning the bookshelf till he found the section he was looking for. All the covers were kind of abstract, in a beautiful sort of way, and her name was printed on the side. He didn't know which one to read first, so he went with 'The Hanging Tree.' He was not disappointed. The book was dark and... intense. He could see the hints of her personality here and there, but the whole book was so... terrifyingly beautiful. He didn't know what time it was, and frankly, he didn't really care. He needed to finish this book. He needed to see where May and Jace ended up. 

There was a creaking from a door, and he saw the light shift, but he couldn't be bothered to pull away from the book. Let the looters end him, as long as he kept reading, everything would be ok. A warm hand settled on his shoulder and only then did he look up, shaking the ludicrous thoughts from his head. 

"Hey baby," she said softly, trying to get Jensen's eyes to focus again. "Why are you still up?"   
"Reading, what time is it?" He suddenly asked, feeling guilty (slightly) for some reason.   
"It's really late, and why are you reading that? I thought you hated romances," Danneel's eyebrows were furrowed and she pulled her hand back from him.   
"I do, I mean I did. Our new neighbour? Girl who wrote this," he tapped the cover of the book and made an 'I know right' face at her. 

Danneel's eyes widened and she sat back slightly, not believing the news. 

"You're kidding."   
"No, met her the day she moved in, even hung out with her today," he told her proudly, hoping that maybe these books are just what he needed to reconnect to his wife.   
"Oh my god. Oh. My. God. I have to meet her, I love her!" Danneel exclaimed, jumping up excitedly. Jensen laughed and couldn't help his warm smile, now he was even happier that she had come.   
"I know you lover her, that's what I told her," he replied with a smirk, watching her eyes widen.   
"Ok, ok, over the weekend I'll go say hi, yes," Dani had fallen into her world again, mumbling to herself as she moved to the closet to get changed. Jensen let out a sigh and went back to the book, feeling slightly dejected, but soon getting lost in the book once again. 

*****

Jensen took a sip from his bottle of water, the sun beating down on them as they watched the kids play. He turned to his side and watched her hum to herself as she took a sip from her coca cola, looking down to the paper she had been sketching on. 

"She wants to meet you this weekend," he told her, laying back down and staring at the sky. 

They had made this a habit now. Every day he would knock on her door and she'd grab her project of the day, and they would all go sit in the sun and have a nice time. 

Jensen loved this new routine. He loved learning more about her, and spending time with her. He loved that he could lay out on the grass and stare at the sky, and it felt as good as getting high. 

"Oh, well I wouldn't mind," she replied happily, trying not to sound too hesitant. 

Y/n didn't really want to meet Dani. Spending all that time with Jensen, alone, made her feel... somewhat... guilty. She didn't even do anything, but those inkling feelings at the back of her mind made her feel... wrong. 

It was quiet for a little while, both of them lost in their own worlds. Then, after some time, Jensen spoke up. 

"I read your book the other night," he told her, voice rough from lack of use.   
"Which one?" She asked, worried about his opinion. Y/n wanted him to like it.   
"The Hanging Tree," he replied, moving his hands to rest under his head. 

She looked over to him, the way his arms bulged and the rise and fall of his muscular chest. She was ok with looking right now, his eyes were closed, but she quickly looked away after she felt her breath quicken. 

"And?" Her voice was quiet and nervous, did he like it?!   
"Couldn't put it down, finished it at two a.m. today," he was smiling with his eyes closed and she couldn't help but reciprocate it. "How do you write so well? You got in such interesting details, and the whole storyline was amazing." He gushed, making her smile widen even further. (Now she was even more proud).   
"Can you believe I started writing that when I was fourteen?" She chuckled breathily, shifting back slightly when he sat up abruptly and looked to her with wide eyes.   
"No way," she giggled at him.   
"Yes way," she began. "I got the idea after school one day and I holed myself up in my room and banged out thirty pages." She smiled triumphantly and laughed when he pretended his mind blew up. "What? Thirty pages is nothing! The next time I saw down to write, I came away with two hundred." Jensen just stared at her for a moment, flabbergasted, then just shook his head with a chuckle.   
"Only you," he laughed, huffing a little before laying back down. 

She fought off the urge to lay on his chest and snuggle into him. 'He seems so warm and firm,' she thought, sighing softly before looking back to the drawing she had started. 

"We should go swimming one of these days," she said after another little while had passed. 

Jensen nodded, sitting up once more to scooch closer to her and look at the paper. She had drawn a mermaid, a beautiful one, swimming happily in the ocean. She could feel his gaze over her shoulder and sighed, dropping her pencil and pushing the sketchbook away. 

"I don't really like it," she whispered, sighing frustratedly before falling forward. Jensen just grabbed the drawing and tore it from the notebook, making Y/n lift her head and look at him with furrowed brows.   
"What?"   
"Why'd you take it?" She asked, head turned toward him.   
"It would look nice in JJ's room, and you might not like it, but I do." He answered, holding the drawing gingerly as if it was a precious work of art, which to him, it was. 

*****

The weekend was upon them faster than they thought it would be. Y/n had spent the day baking chocolate chip cookies. JJ had mentioned that they were her favourite, so she had decided to bake a batch for her, and if it meant she got to see Jensen over the weekend too... well that wouldn't be so bad. 

She took a deep breath, then knocked on the door, humming to herself as she waited for the door to open. She heard voices on the other side and bounced her leg till the door opened. There he stood, flannel and jeans and his eyes lit up. 

"Y/n! Hey," he leaned against the door jamb and gave her his lopsided smile. The smile that made her heart clench happily.   
"Hi, um, I was bored, and I remembered that JJ said her favourite cookies were chocolate chip, and so I made my world famous chocolate chip cookies for her." Y/n smiled at him and offered him the plate, but he just stood to his full height and opened the door wider.   
"Com on in, she'll be super excited," he ushered her in and she thanked him, following him to the living room. 

Just as Jensen opened his mouth to say something, a woman came from the hall that led to the bedrooms. She stared at Y/n for a moment before smiling widely and walking closer. 

She was a beautiful woman. She had clear skin and red hair that was silky and smooth. Her body was lithe and her clothes were stylish. She had an amazing smile. That woman was everything Y/n had always wanted to be. 

"Hi I'm Danneel, but please, call me Dani," the woman, Dani, shook Y/n's hand softly, Y/n smiling politely.   
"I'm Y/n, it's very nice to meet you," she tried to smile as happily as she could.   
"Yeah, J's told me so much about you, and presumably he has told you about how much I admire you." 

Y/n blushed and averted her gaze, shuffling slightly. Jensen smirked, hew knew how uncomfortable she got with praise, she never knew how to respond. 

"Heh, thank you," then she remembered the plate in her hands. "Um, I baked cookies, and um, here," she offered the plate to Dani and she gingerly took it from the younger girl's hands.   
"Thank you so much, would you like something to drink?"   
"We have Coke and coffee," Jensen butt in, smiling at her because he knew those were her favourite. She smiled gently back at him and nodded.   
"Coffee would be great," Jensen gestured to the sofa behind her and she sat down, Dani dropping the cookies on the table and going to sit next to Y/n.   
"I have to ask," Dani began, "are you going to write another book for 'Talk Fast'?" Jensen came in just then and handed her the mug of coffee, sitting down opposite her.   
"I don't think you should," he said as he sat down, taking a sip from his own mug. 

Both the women turned to him, one looked to him with eyes full of intrigue and the smallest hint of understanding happiness. The other looked at him with confusion and slight annoyance. 

"When did you read 'Talk Fast'?" Y/n asked gently, looking to him with eyes dancing happily.   
"Well, after I finished 'The Hanging Tree,' I decided to read the rest of your books, and I don't think you need to write another book for 'Talk Fast.'" Jensen leaned back and looked at them.   
"Why?" Dani asked indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest.   
"Because, the way she left it was vague but hopeful, and that's how relationships like that are. You don't know what's going to come in the future, but you're hopeful because you want it to work." Jensen looked to her after his little speech, a smile of be-wonderment on her face.   
"Um, that's exactly what I was going for," she told him, smiling wider at him. "When did you finish the rest of them?"   
"Last night? Last night, yeah," he tapped his chin in though before nodding. "The book that does need a sequel though, is 'Blood Throne.' Now that's something I need more of," Jensen pointed at her and she giggled softly, nodding her head.   
"Well you're in luck, the third book is in with the publishers. So far the release date is in about a month, BUT DON'T tell anyone," she added hurriedly, looking between both of them as they nodded.   
"Of course, but now I can't wait!" Dani exclaimed making Y/n chuckle and sip at her coffee. 

The sound of small feet smacking against tile came before JJ was running into the room. 

"(y/n/n)!" She exclaimed, running into her arms and hugging her. Luckily Y/n had put down her mug and caught the little girl.   
"Hey Munchkin! What's going on?" She asked happily, heart warming as the joyous little girl giggled happily.   
"Nothing! Dad put up your drawing in my room, wanna see?" She asked, jumping slightly.

Y/n shot her eyes to Jensen and he stood up, gesturing to the hall. She smiled and got up as well, the little girl grabbing her hand and beginning to drag her to her room. Y/n stumbled slightly, looking back to Jensen with wide eyes, mouthing 'she is strong!' before turning back and continuing to the room. She heard Jensen laugh and it made her smile even brighter. 

They went inside the room and it made her smile. There was a large bookshelf filled with children's books, some of her favourites spruced around. Then there was her bed, pink and purple sheets, and small, just like JJ. There it was, hanging above her headboard in a magenta frame. It made her smile. No one had ever really hung up her art, other than her mom but that didn't really count. It made her feel special. 

"So, do you like it?"   
"I do," she replied, turning to Jensen who stood at the door.   
"Well, it's by an artist who has only recently started," he said in his most posh voice, doing duck lips and acting like one of those overly haughty artist douchebags.   
"really?" She went along with the joke, putting on her best posh accent.   
"Ah yes, quite contemporary, don't you think?" She started laughing at Jensen, breaking character as she doubled over. He laughed as well, eyes squinted and tears collecting at the corners. She suddenly gasped and he quickly turned to look at her.   
"I love Dr. Seuss!" She exclaimed, rushing JJ's shelf and running her fingers over the spines of some of the books.   
"Me too!" JJ exclaimed, sitting on the side of her bed and swinging her legs. Jensen smiled warmly at the scene, his heart fluttering softly before he shoved those feelings deep down.   
"I have this big book at home, it's filled with Dr. Seuss's stories, you can borrow it sometime, and your dad could read them to you before bed." Y/n smiled at the little girl as she got excited and hugged her.   
"Yes please!" JJ squealed, running to her and hugging her legs. 

Y/n giggled and hugged the little girl back. 

"Ih hey, I brought you cookies, chocolate chip, they're in the living room," Y/n told the little girl, instantly being let go of as the girl ran to get cookies. 

Y/n spent a little more time there before leaving, a cocktail of emotions swimming within her. 


	4. Friends Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misha and Jared decide to pay Jensen a visit but things... don't end up as they seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The only thing that got me through typing these chapters into here is the podcast 1619. I'd encourage everyone to give it a listen, it's really interesting.   
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"Hey, you free today?" Came Misha's voice over the phone, all happiness and excitement. Jensen chuckled and Y/n looked at him from the corner of her eye, smiling to herself as she looked back to her laptop. 

Y/n had woken up that morning filled with inspiration. Her fingers typed aggressively at her laptop and she was producing pages and pages of her book. Damn, her publishers would be happy. 

"Yeah I'm free today, but I'm hanging with a friend, you mind if she tags along?" Jensen bit his lip and glanced at her, the way the sun glistened on her skin made her seem as if she were glowing.   
"Yeah sure, Jared and I'll be over in a few," Misha answered, there was scuffling in the background and Jensen could hear Jared's voice over the speaker before they both said goodbye. 

He turned back to Y/n and cleared his throat, feeling slightly nervous. 

"Hey, uh, some of my friends are coming by in a bit, would you, maybe, wanna hang with us?" Jensen scratched at the back of his neck and squinted slightly at her, trying not to look too nervous but achieving the complete opposite. Luckily, she was oblivious to his nervous ticks and smiled at him with a gentle nod.   
"Uh, yeah, that sounds fun," she told him, pushing some hair behind her ear. He knew she did that when she was nervous and it made him smile. 

She was wearing overalls over a white shirt, her smooth legs on display. Jensen looked away focusing on the kids to try and distract his brain from the unholy thoughts that had started appearing more and more about the girl. 

"I'm nervous," she finally blurted out, Jensen turning back to look at her.   
"There's no reason to be, sweetheart. They're great guys, real nice," he smiled comfortingly at her making her relax slightly, nodding her head and calming herself. 

He had taken to calling her sweetheart. Neither one of them really knew when it started, but they went with it, both liking the feelings that came with the simple term of endearment. 

Y/n went back to her typing and Jensen lay on the ground, trying to relax before Misha and Jared got there. 

*****

They had gone back up to his apartment just before they had arrived. Y/n and Jensen sat side by side drinking cold cokes. 

"Gosh, it was hot today," Y/n breathed out, looking to Jensen from the side of her eye.   
"Yeah, can't wait for winter," Jensen told her with a sigh.   
"Does it snow here?" She asked, sounding much more excited all of a sudden. Jensen chuckled and nodded, sipping at his drink again.   
"Yeah it does, snowflakes and all, it's actually quite beautiful," he breathed out the end, eyes on her as a blush made its way onto her cheeks.

She looked away and drank from her can again, jumping slightly when there was a knock at the door. 

"Ah! That's them!" Jensen's eyes lit up and his whole body seemed to reflect his happiness. It made her smile. 

Jensen opened the door and instantly loud 'Hey's!' and 'how ya doin's' were filling the air. Y/n stood up and smiled shyly, trying to push any stray hairs back though there weren't any to push. 

Misha and Jensen finally let go of each other only for Jared to pull Jensen in. They patted each others backs and moved farther into the living room. Misha's eyes settled on the young girl standing by the couch. She was wearing overall-shorts with a white shirt. Her hair was up in space buns giving her an even more childish look but it worked. She was beautiful. 

Misha regained his confidence and put on his most charming smile, walking over to her and offering his hand. 

"Hi, I'm Misha," his voice bubbly and happy, though kind of gravelly (which had always been something Y/n had found attractive in men).   
"Hi, I'm Y/n," she tried to match his tone, offering him a smile with pink cheeks.

Did everyone Jensen know have to be so fucking good looking. Misha had these gorgeous bright blue eyes that she had a hard time looking away from. 

Jared walked over and introduced himself as well, Y/n having to crane her neck to meet his eyes. She was shorter than all three of these specimens. They all sat down after Y/n helped Jensen grab drinks for the other two, receiving a soft thank you. 

"Why does the name Y/n sound so familiar?" Jared asked. 

'Oh here it comes,' Y/n thought, blushing slightly when she saw Jensen begin to smirk. He was gonna go on a tangent. 

"Well my dear friend," Jensen began smugly, Jared snorting making Y/n giggle softly. Both Jensen and Misha smiled softly at the sound. "This here is famous author and, not-so-famous but should be painter, Y/n Y/l/n." He gestured to her as if she were some piece in a museum. "AKA my neighbour," Jensen finished, watching both men's eyes widen.   
"Whoah! I've read all your books!" Jared exclaimed, smiling widely at her.   
"Same, you're amazing!" Misha exclaimed, Y/n's cheeks turning bright red.

How the fuck was she supposed to respond?! 

"Heh, thanks-" she interrupted herself with a gasp and stared wide eyed at them for a moment before turning to Jensen. "No," she said disbelievingly, only to see his mischievous smirk.   
"Yeah," he laughed, Jared and Misha watching on with confusion. What the hell were they talking about?   
"Why didn't you tell me?! Oh my god," she felt mortified as Jensen laughed.   
"Hello?" Jared waved a little at them and they both finally remembered the other two were there. "What just went on there?"   
"I didn't tell Y/n I knew both of you, and the other day she went on a whole rant about why Supernatural was the best show ever," Jensen smirked proudly, just like Jared and Misha, while Y/n buried her face in her hands.   
"Well I guess we're even then," Misha said happily, leaning back on the couch just like Jared. 

Y/n finally looked up and let out a sigh, gulping her drink and trying to relax. 

They all start to get to know each other and slowly become comfortable with each other. Misha and Y/n had hit it off really well, everyone could see that. Jensen tried to stop the ugly feelings that clawed at his heart. He had no right to feel like that. No. Right. Jensen looked away from the two and tuned back into his conversation with Jared. 

Jensen grabbed the plates and glasses and went to the kitchen, Misha following with a goal in mind. Misha closed the door the kitchen and walked closer to Jensen, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. 

"Hey, so, you and Y/n are pretty close right?"   
"Uh, I guess," Jensen answered, putting away biscuits and things.   
"Is there anything going on there?" Misha asked nervously, flinching slightly.   
"What the hell man?! I'm married! Why would you even say that?!" Jensen's heart raced at the prospect of having something with her, though he wouldn't ever admit that.   
"I know! I know! I'm sorry, it's just you guys are so close and I... kinda wanna ask her out." 

Misha was the only single one out of the three. He had gotten divorced about two years ago and was looking for a relationship again. He had tried the whole one night stand thing, but it just didn't sit with him. Then his last few dates hadn't worked out and he felt like he was in a rut. Now there was an interesting, beautiful girl, and he didn't wanna be hindered by anything. Sure, she was a little younger than what he usually went for, but that was a rather insignificant detail. 

Jensen stopped for a moment and looked at Misha. Was it wrong that he wanted to punch his friend? Where was this jealousy even coming from? This burning feeling at the though of her kissing Misha. Jensen was confused (and not ready to admit to himself where these were coming from). 

'It was because I'm so happy to have a friend. Yeah, that must be it,' he thought, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath. 

"Yeah sure, ask her out, but she moved here after breaking up with some dude so be warned," Jensen didn't mean to sound so ominous and push Misha away from the idea but he couldn't help himself. 

He didn't want her to date someone else, however irrational that thought was. 

They went back out to see Jared and Y/n laughing, and once asked about what, they learnt that it was about a younger Jensen. A blush instantly filled his cheeks and he sat down next to Y/n, their thighs brushing against each other. 

"Uff, Jensen was a bit of an idiot back then," Jared told her, Jensen scoffing then smiling slightly when he saw her shining eyes and bright, interested smile.   
"What did he used to do?" She asked, leaned forward in her seat out of interest.   
"Nothing! I did nothing!" Jensen interrupted just as he saw Jared open his mouth to begin a story.   
"No! No! Please Jensen tell me!" She squealed, sidling up to Jensen and batting her eyelashes at him. 

They were so much closer now and Jensen could smell vanilla. He didn't know if it was her shampoo, or her skin, but he just wanted to keep inhaling it. Her eyes looked so pretty all wide, (y/e/c) and innocent. He would bow to her every whim if she just batted her eyelashes at him. 

Jensen sighed and motioned for Jared to continue, hiding a small smile when he heard her squeal with happiness. 

"Alright, so..." Jared proceeded to go into deep detail about the eyelash incident. 

Jensen shook his head the whole time and his his face in his hands. He didn't know if he regretted the continuing of the story, but he was starting to lean toward yes. Then he heard her laughs and felt the way her hands accidentally brushed his side every time she fell back out of sheer amusement and he instantly knew he didn't regret a thing. 

When everyone's laughter had calmed down and Y/n had wiped the tears from her eyes, they all sat in silence for a moment. Y/n's eyes landed on her watch and her eyes widened, jumping up and grabbing her bag. 

"Oh god, I am so sorry but I have to go," Jensen jumped up and frowned when she looked in his direction.   
"Why?" He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets as she began to walk to the door.   
"I have a dinner with my publishers and I have a bunch of other shit to do, ugh, that's just what I get," she finally turned back to all of them and gave a small wave. "It was really nice to meet you guys," then she turned back to Jensen, "and I'll see you tomorrow." Jensen stared at the spot till the door closed. 


	5. A Trip to the Grocery Store and A Night of Bad Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen and Y/n take a trip to the grocery store, and a night where both of them are distraught with emotions leads to bad decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished 1619 and started a new podcast called The Nod. It's really good.

Jensen turned away from Arrow and walked to the door after hearing the knock. When she came into view, his lips pulled into a smile automatically. He couldn't help himself, she made him smile. 

"Hey," he opened the door wider and she stepped in.   
"Hi-hey munchkins!" She waved at the kids and they gurgled and screamed back. "So I'm heading to the grocery store, do you need anything?" Y/n asked, turning back to Jensen and resting her arm on the cloth bag hanging from her shoulder.   
"Actually, yeah, do you mind if we tag along?" He asked, hoping so hard that she said yes.

She smiled wider and nodded happily before gasping softly. 

"Can I wear one of those baby carrier things?! She asked excitedly, pointing to the pile by the door. Jensen laughed and nodded while looking at her quizzically.   
"While your excitement is absolutely adorable," he began, her cheeks blooming red. "Can I ask why the hype?"   
"Mom's and Dad's look so cute wearing those, and considering I'm not gonna be a mom anytime soon, since the relationship I thought would give me that ended, I wanna try one." She gulped when feathering over the break up before smiling at Jensen. He shook his head with a smile before ushering her over and handing her one. "Ok wait, how do I put this on?"   
"Put your arms through here," he began, gently helping her arms through the holes. He was stood behind her, front pressed close to her back. 

He was warm, and had a soft cologne that was much too enticing. His body was hard and firm behind her. He had slightly calloused fingers that sent shivers down her spine and had goosebumps running down her arms. Maybe it was the wrong day to wear a short sleeved shirt. 

Jensen was trying so hard. He should be given an award for how much he was trying. She smelt good. So. Fucking. Good. Like warm vanilla, he thought. He tried to inhale as quietly as he could, trying to stand as close as physically possible, without being overbearing. She was warm, and soft, and enticing, and fuck he wanted to kiss her neck. 

He pulled the other arm through and gently clipped it behind her back, fingers grazing the exposed skin from her top. 

"Ok, now, baby incoming," he joked, lifting Zeppelin from his high chair and settling him into her harness.   
"This is so fun!" She began, bouncing around lightly, the baby giggling happily.

Jensen watched them and came to a realisation. She had spent more time with the kids since they had met, than Dani had spent with them since they were born. 

Jensen cleaned everything up, grabbed his own baby carrier, except her strapped it to his like a backpack. (It made Y/n laugh, and he loved hearing that sound) and they left. 

*****

Y/n hummed softly as she walked down the aisle of the grocery store. She grabbed bottles and placed them in her cart, paying no one any mind. 

"Hey Zeppelin, do you like these kind of chocolate chips?" She held up a bag of Hershey's semi-sweet, and he scrunched his brows and shook his head. "Yeah, me neither," she said, grabbing the milk chocolate pack and dropping them in the cart. She kissed his chubby little cheek and continued on. 

Jensen smiled as he watched her, trying to hide his staring. She just seemed so happy. There was this air about her that seemed to equally calm and excite. Even at the damn grocery store she took his breath away. He could feel something in his heart brewing for her. He could almost hear it, and he did nothing to stop it. He didn't really want to stop it, truth be told, however wrong that might be. Having that connection with her made him feel more alive than he had ever felt. It was like getting his heart jump started, and having it finally work again. He didn't feel numb anymore. 

"Hey Jensen, you ok?" Her fingers suddenly snapped in front of his face and he moved back slightly, blinking then nodding at her.   
"Yeah, yeah, I'm ok, just-uh just dazed," he looked away from her and went back to pushing the cart.   
"Alright, oh hey, my friend has some time off next week, I was wondering if you wanted to meet her," she asked him, heading into another aisle of the store.   
"You want me to meet her?" He felt special. His girl wanted him to meet her friends.   
"Yeah, you're one of my best friends, I want you to meet other people I care about," she smiled softly at him.

He loved that smile. It made her eyes all soft and turned her cheeks pink. Jensen reached up and gently pushed some hair back from her forehead. Her face was soft and he liked the way it felt under his hands. 

Y/n's cheeks turned red from the intimate moment. He was so close to her, that she could feel the warmth radiating from him. His rough fingers felt nice against the gentle skin of her face and the way his breath fanned over her face made goosebumps run amok over her arms. They were so close, but then the intercom came on and they snapped away from each other. 'He is married,' she had to remind herself. 

They continued through the grocery, and once everything was bought and paid for, they left. 

*****

The evening had set in. The last lights of the day were beginning to leave and she could see dusk from her window. 

Y/n sat on her couch, staring out of the door that led to her balcony. The view was minimal, but she could still see something nice. 

Her eyes were red and puffy. Tear tracks were slowly beginning to dry on her cheeks but she wasn't moving. She hadn't moved from her spot since she had started crying, her phone clutched tight in her hand. All this crying was pathetic, but she couldn't help it. 

While she had sat and cried, she could hear sounds through the wall, as if muffled shouting. She hadn't given it much thought, considering she was sobbing her eyes out and her mind had felt like jumbled crap. 

There was suddenly a knocking at her door, and she began to get up, slowly moving. Y/n hadn't even bothered to wipe her tears away. She pulled the door open and Jensen barrelled in, fuming. 

"I'm fucking done," he told her angrily, pacing in front of her couch. Y/n quickly wiped her tears then gestured to the couch.   
"Sit, wanna talk?" She sat down on the other side of the couch and crossed her legs, waiting for him.

Jensen sat down, looked at her, and his frown deepened. She had been crying. He gently wiped a wet spot she had missed then leaned back. She would talk when she was ready, and he was a little too wound up right now. 

"I just asked for one date night. One," he held up his finger, anger and just pure tiredness coursing through his veins. "And she blew up at me about her job. Her job always comes first anyway, all I wanted was to have her together for one night. She's gone so much JJ almost forgot what she looked like. The twins are growing up without her. I just," an exhausted sigh fell from his lips. "I don't even feel like I'm married anymore. 

Y/n just listened, because that was all she could do. Especially in a situation like this. Sometimes people just needed to talk, just needed someone to listen. She had always been a listener. With her friends, her family,... him. Listening was what she did best, and she never complained. It made her feel useful. 

It was quiet for a while. Neither said a thing, before Jensen finally sat back, laying his head on the back of the couch and turning to look at her. 

"Can you tell me something?" He asked quietly, watching as she nodded. "Why did you really move here? I know you're hesitant to tell me but, if it's ok, I wanna know." She sighed and nodded, closing her eyes as she began the story.   
"I... yeah, you deserve to know," she swallowed and took a deep breath in. "I graduated college early. While I was in my last year, I started dating this guy, Tom. He was... amazing. He was sweet, and loving, and funny," she smiled softly at the memories, at the feeling he used to bring her. 

Jensen smiled softly at the look on her face. She was beautiful when she was happy. 

"We were really in love, and I couldn't have been happier. We moved in together right after I graduated and everything was great. At first." She took a deep breath in and tears began to slowly drip from her eyes. 

Jensen wanted to wipe them away, wanted to comfort her, but he also knew she needed this. Y/n needed to vent, talk to someone, have an ear and know that someone was acknowledging her feelings. Jensen was ready to do that for her. 

"His job is very demanding, and he was barely ever there. That wasn't the biggest issue, though, because I know that's something you can work through in a relationship. But he was never there, and then, when he did come home, all we did was argue. It was hours of just screaming and crying, and then he'd leave again." She took another deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "One day I had enough, so I packed my bags and left. I moved in with my friend, got this apartment and moved out as soon as I could. I had to leave my dogs behind in London, and they won't get here till next month," she dissolved into sobs and pressed her hands into her face. 

Her whole body shook, and her throat quickly began to feel raw from the bare screams. Jensen quickly moved to sit in front of her and wrapped his hands around her wrists gently. He began to pull her hands away from her face and shushed her gently. Her sobs made his heart feel like it was being ripped apart. Her eyes were clenched shut but her trembling was beginning to lessen. The crying slowly began to subside, till she could take deep breaths in and wipe at her tears gently. 

Y/n didn't feel embarrassed crying in front of Jensen. She was comfortable around him, and being vulnerable around him meant that they got closer, and that didn't seem so bad, not to her anyway. 

"You probably think I'm a coward," she finally said, voice hoarse and croaky.   
"I think you're strong, and brave," Jensen told her. "I think you left a situation that was shit for you, and the fact that you had the strength to do that makes you brave." Jensen pulled her hands from her face and held them tight.   
"I saw a picture, he's somewhere nearby, and if he's trying to find me... I can't see him yet." She finally had the courage to lift her head, and look into his eyes. 

Jensen had always had beautiful eyes. She remembered the first time she had seen them, how breathtaking they had been. The bright green, the flecks of honey and brown, all of it was just so overly beautiful that she often wondered how it was possible to create such a delicate kind of majesty. 

It took a few moments for their closeness to register in either of their minds. Soft breaths fanned over lips, hands gripped tight and bodily warm shared, but it was different this time. Both of them could feel it, and neither of them pulled away. 

There was a charge in the air. Something electric dancing over every particle of the room, every cell that made up their bodies. Jensen was the first to do something other than sit still. His eyes glanced over her face. Her eyebrows, the fullness of her cheeks, the slight sheen of sweat on her upper lip, and the tracks the tears had made when they were falling freely from her eyes. Then his eyes landed on her lips. Full, and soft-looking, pouted slightly from the previous sadness. They were naturally a soft pink, but from where she had been incessantly biting them, they were a more aggressive red. 

Y/n was staring right back at him. How long had passed? Seconds? Hours? They couldn't tell anymore. His stubble had begun to grow in, she noticed, and she could only imagine the gentle roughness it offered. What was happening? 

Jensen's hands tightened around hers and her breath caught in her throat. There was nothing past Jensen. It was only him and her. It was the soft smell of his cologne that always seemed to cling to his skin, and a scent that just seemed to inherently be him. It was her soft floral perfume that she didn't remember buying. It was the way their eyes bore into each other, and how they leaned closer. 

It was a quick look, a flash of permission, that changed everything. He pressed his mouth to hers, affectively crushing the air from her lungs. His hands let go of her wrists and gently ran up her arms, caressing any bare skin he could find before finally settling on cupping either side of her neck between his large hands. 

This was different. Nothing mattered in that moment. No tattered marriage, no threadbare relationship, nothing mattered but them, and that moment. 


	6. An Awkward Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild night of passion and then an awkward conversation. 
> 
> Smut warning

She liked the way his stubble felt against her cheeks. It was rough, but she liked it. She also liked the way it felt under her hands as she cupped his cheeks, effectively bringing him just a little closer.

She tasted like chocolate, and he loved it, pulling away for not even a second before he was back on her. His hands travelled to her waist and gripped her tight, pulling her onto his lap. A gasp emitted from her lips and he used it as an opportunity to gently caress her tongue with his own. 

This kiss almost felt like magic. In their time of stress and worry it was a release, but at the same time it was so much more than that. 

They pulled away for a second, long enough to look into each others eyes. Long enough for both to be sure that this was indeed what they wanted. Then his lips were against her neck and he was standing, ready to walk to her room. 

No words were exchanged. They weren't needed. Both parties were on the same wavelength, speaking directly through an almost soul connection. Speaking would have ruined the moment and they didn't want that. They weren't ready to leave that moment, not yet anyway. 

Her hands gently ran through his hair, feeling each soft strand against her palms, the prickles from each end. Jensen's hands rested on the skin of her lower back, desperate to get her shirt off, not ready to end the kiss. Eventually, once they had safely arrived at her bedroom, he set her down at the edge, and began removing her clothes. It was slow, gentle, loving. His hands ran up her sides with the shirt, and he kissed at the tops of her breasts, which were now exposed. Gentle fingers unclipped her bra, and eyes filled with wonder stared at her half naked body. It wasn't even a stare that was filled with sexual attraction (though no mistake that was there too). It was a stare filled with happiness, that she trusted him enough to be vulnerable in front of him. That she trusted him enough to present him with her bare body. He felt so lucky. 

Jensen laid her back and draped his body over hers. He wanted to feel her against him, feel just... her. His buttons dug into her stomach and she slowly began to undo them, running her hands over his torso. It was smooth and hard, and soft, and warm. She couldn't get enough. 

He slid the flannel from his shoulders and set about pulling her jeans off. She shimmied them off, suddenly feeling more shy than before. He was beautiful, and all her insecurities made her feel unworthy, and she didn't like that. Y/n pulled Jensen back up to her face, and kissed him harder, small noises leaving her at the way his lips moved against hers. 

Jensen loved the sounds she made. He thought they were the cutest, sexiest, little noises ever made. 

Once all their clothes were off, and they could feel each others warm skin completely, Jensen grasped her sides. He looked into her eyes one last time, making sure, then slowly sunk himself into her.

There was no time for anything else, they didn't need anything else, they didn't need anything else at the moment. All they wanted was to be close to each other, to feel one another in the deepest parts of themselves. 

His thrusts were slow, and dragged through them a delicious feeling of overwhelming pleasure. He held the back of her neck tightly, and his other arm wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him. 

They were both into it. Intensely. His neck pressed into her face, the perfect opportunity to press gentle kisses to the soft skin. He shuddered, gripping her tighter and thrusting a little harder. 

His hand moved from the back of her neck to grip her hair, pulling her head back and kissing her jaw, moving to her cheek then her lips. 

It wasn't long before they were reaching their peaks. The atmosphere only aided it. The room was quiet except for the sounds of skin slapping against skin, their heavy breaths and the occasional moan or whimper. The rustling of sheets or the creak of the bed after a particularly hard thrust. 

She came with a rather loud moan, digging her fingers into his shoulders and gasping. Her legs tightened around his waist and stars exploded behind her closed eyelids. 

Jensen wondered for a second if he was high on something. Had he taken LSD in a fit of rage and was now in the deep throes of a delicious high? No, feelings like this couldn't be faked. The way her legs tightened around him, her soft skin under his fingertips, all this couldn't be faked. It felt better than an LSD high. She was better than any drug out there, though it seemed, she was just as addicting, if not more. 

He let himself go, not thinking about anything else, just her around him, the way her breaths fanned over his ear as he rested his head on her chest. She didn't care about his weight over her, it made her feel safe if anything. Her fingers ran through his hair gently as his ran up and down her side. They didn't look at each other, just basked in the feeling of... everything. 

They didn't need to talk, or express how they were feeling, or... anything. They were there, that was all. 

*****

It was four am? No, six am? No, he couldn't tell right now. Jensen stared at her, eyes closed and peaceful in her sleep. Beautiful, was all that ran through his head. He reached out and gently ran a finger up her plump cheek. It was soft, and supple, and begging to be kissed. He didn't kiss it.

Jensen slowly got out of bed, trying to be as quiet as he could. He didn't wanna wake her up. Quickly gathering his clothes, he slipped out of her room and got dressed, slinking back to his house and laying down in his bed. Dani had already left, and the kids were still asleep. 

Ugh, Jensen rubbed his face angrily and threw his head back on the bed. What had he done? He was a coward, a cheater, a horrible fucking person. 

*****

Y/n brushed her hair a she stared into the mirror. She was gonna do dutch braids today, but the marks on her neck wouldn't allow that. Today was a hair-down day. Y/n didn't wanna see them, they brought up too many... feelings. 

She cleared her throat and straightened her hair, allowing the pin straight strands to fall over her shoulders. She looked nice today, at least she thought so. With a sigh, she moved back to the bed and fell back. 

What had she done? He was an older MARRIED man, what had she been thinking? 

They were friends, good friends, and now everything was ruined. Granted, the way he laughed also had her wanting to hear it till she died. Or, the way his smile lit up his eyes in the most beautiful way. Or how firm his hands were when they gripped at her waist, or his stubble against her neck. She was too deep into this. 

Y/n pressed her pillow into her face and screamed, suddenly interrupted by her phone blasting the Avengers theme song. Who the fuck was calling her? 

She pulled her phone up to her face, then choked on her spit. Wha... 

"Hello?" She gulped, hoping it didn't come through the phone. It did.   
"Hey, it's Jensen," he began, sounding just as nervous as she did.   
"Yeah, I know, I have caller ID," she told him softly.   
"Oh."   
"Yeah," a small sigh left her lips and she wanted to cry. This was so awkward. It was everything she hadn't wanted. He was the only friend she had here, and he was one of the best friends she had ever had. Her feelings ruined everything.   
"I wanted to talk to you about last night," he began nervously, halting every few words.   
"Mhm," was all she could say.   
"I just... I wanted to call - um - talk about what happened," Jensen pulled away from the phone and smacked his forehead.   
"Yeah."   
"It was... it was a mistake, and I wanted to apologise." Y/n felt her heart clench rather painfully. Of course he'd say that, of course.   
"Yeah, I - yeah, I agree, agreed," she answered reluctantly, clearing her throat and rubbing her forehead. 

Why was this so hard? All they were doing was talking. She fell back on the bed and sighed. 

"I was part of it too, so I'm sorry."   
"It's ok, we were all in our emotions, no one's fault," he shook his head even though he knew she couldn't see.   
"Yeah," she answered.   
"Ok, well, um, I'm gonna go make the kids breakfast."  
"Yeah, go have fun," she answered awkwardly, instantly regretting her choice of words, 'Have fun? Really?' She thought, smacking her forehead repeatedly. Gosh, that spot was gonna be red by the time she was done talking to him.   
"Alright, uh, I'll see you," he told her, squinting his eyes and furrowing his brows.   
"Yeah, I'll see you," she had said yeah like a hundred times, what was wrong with her?! 

The call cut off and they both screamed into their pillows. What the fuck was going? Why did he say it was a mistake? It never felt like a mistake, not to him anyway. Why did she agree? She didn't think it was a mistake, it didn't feel like a mistake, not to her. 

Jensen got up and got ready for the day. He needed a shower to wash off al the shame. Once he was dressed, and feeling slightly less horrible, he slowly woke the kids up and began to make them breakfast. Maybe mundane activities could distract him. 

At this point Y/n was severely missing her dogs. They were like her kids, and not seeing them was taking a toll on her. Ugh. 


	7. Regain The Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their night of passion, Y/n and Jensen are left in an awkward place.

It had been a week of not seeing each other and it was killing them. There had been awkward stares when they bumped into each other in the halls, but otherwise there had been no contact. Both were dying on the inside, but neither had the back bone to go over and confess how they really felt. 

Y/n spent her days writing pages upon pages filled with incomprehensible depression and sadness. Her mojo was gone and now all she could do was wallow in self-pity. It didn't help that all her clothes were bright so she never really looked as sad as she felt. 

Jensen was stuck in a rut. Every day for the past week he had done everything he used to do before he met her. And. He. Hated. It. He was bored, and all he wanted to do was go over and talk to her. He wanted to lay on a picnic blanket and stare at the sky, knowing she was sitting next to him, typing away viciously. He wanted to feel her soft skin against his and taste her once more. 

There were so many things he still wanted to do with her. He wanted to go grocery shopping again, but just both of them. He wanted to cook with her, and fall asleep staring at her face. He wanted to stroke his hands up her spine and lay kisses across her bare skin. There were so many more sexual things he wanted to do with her, and go on dates with her, and ugh! He couldn't talk to her without feeling his skin burn with so many emotions. 

Jensen set a plate down in front of JJ when she started whining. 

"Don't we have any more cookies?" Her lip wobbled and she blinked back tears making Jensen sigh and shake his head as he rubbed his forehead.   
"No sweetheart, it's breakfast, also we ran out of them," Jensen turned away from JJ but she kept whining.   
"But Dad," she squealed, dragging the 'a'. "Let's go get more."   
"JJ, Y/n made those," he told her, heart seizing up at her name.   
"I miss (y/n/n), let's go over and ask her for more," JJ squealed. Jensen sighed and shook his head, he felt like he did that a lot lately.   
"No, now eat your cereal."  
"But Dad!"  
"I said no JJ!" He raised his voice at her. He never. Ever. Raised his voice at her. 

JJ's lip began to wobble and anyone could see the instant regret on her Jensen's face. 

"No, no, no," he began to mumble, quickly getting on his knees as JJ began to cry. He quickly dragged her chair closer to him. He tried to hug her but she angrily pushed him away, sobbing even harder. 

When there was a knock on the door, Jensen didn't know if it was an irritation or a blessing in disguise. Once the door was open... he still didn't know, at least not till she walked in. 

"Hey, Jensen, I wanted to talk- is this a bad time?" They could hear JJ crying in the background.   
"Yeah, it is, I made the little lady mad," he sighed and leaned his forehead against the doorjamb.   
"Do you mind - if I?" She asked haltingly, trying not to step on his toes.   
"Please," he gestured her in and watched as she dropped her canvas bag by the door.

She kneeled by JJ's chair and slowly began to talk. 

"Hey munchkin," she stroked the little girl's cheek softly and began to wipe her tears away. "What's wrong?"   
"Dad- dad shouted- he shouted at me," the little girl sobbed, her sentence perforated with hiccups as she grabbed at Y/n's shoulders.   
"Why?" She asked gently, now petting the girls little blonde head.   
"I asked for cookies for breakfast, and kept asking even though he said no," JJ pouted, clinging to the straps of Y/n's sundress for a second before beginning to gently run her fingers through the straightened strands that fell over the girls exposed (y/s/c) shoulders. 

Jensen wanted to kiss at her shoulders. The second he had seen with the new hairdo, so many different thoughts came into his head. So. Many. And he could see a back tattoo peaking from the dress. How had he not noticed it before? 

"Ok, listen to me sweetheart. When Dad says no, he means it, and it's always for your own good. Cookies for breakfast are a no, but I'll make you some more over the weekend, ok?" Y/n combed her fingers through JJ's hair before allowing it to rest gently against the little girl's shoulders.   
"Ok!" JJ piped up, happiness suddenly cover her as she bounced on her chair.   
"Great, now eat up," Y/n pecked the little girl on the cheek and walked back to Jensen with a triumphant smile.   
"You're a lifesaver," he breathed out, pulling her into a hug before he could think. 

Y/n hugged him back gently, inhaling his scent as discreetly as she could. Jensen's arms tightened around her for a split second before they began to retreat. He didn't want to let go. 

"Why'd you come over?" He asked eventually, clearing his throat and shoving his hands into his pockets.   
"I wanted to talk. Everything's been really awkward recently and I don't like it." 

Y/n dropped her gaze to the floor and brushed some hair behind her ear, though it didn't stay there, the silky strands falling back over the side of her face. 

"I know, I just feel like I don't know how to act around you anymore," he sighed once again and pushed some hair from her face. At least they didn't lose that habit.   
"Yeah, I think we just need to forget everything that happened, I missed you this week," she added, smiling softly at Jensen. He huffed out a laugh and nodded.   
"Yeah, I missed you too. I got used to talking to an adult every day," she giggled at that and Jensen couldn't help feeling a sense of accomplishment. He couldn't help it! It was automatic.   
"Ok, then it's settled, you want some breakfast?" He asked as he walked back to the table, sipping from his previously discarded cup of coffee.   
"Um, not hungry but I can I bother you for a cup of coffee?" 

She was always gentle. That was something he had realised. Everything she did seemed gentle. Her manners were always tip-top, and she even seemed sorry to ask something of him. He smiled to himself whenever she was forced to ask him something. It brought him pleasure to see her blush. 

"One cup comin' right up, black right?"   
"Yup," a smile gracing her face as she shouted a thank you after him. He remembered. 

Y/n helped the twins eat while he prepped her drink, a smile on her face as they chatted through the open kitchen door. 

She missed this. Having someone to talk to was nice. Someone who was right there next to you. Someone who, even if they didn't understand what you were getting at, listened. Someone who tried to make you laugh, or just smiled at one of your shitty jokes. She missed Jensen. 

"I finished another few chapters, but they're kinda depressing," she told him once he had sat down. She had dropped her head onto her hands and was blinking up at him with a sigh.   
"I'm sure it fits in with the story, everything you write is amazing," he told her, gulping down his coffee.   
"It's nice that you have such blind faith in me," she began, smiling at him. "But as a young female having been through what I have been through, I have the unfortunate obligation of listening to my insecurities." He liked this sarcastic side of her. 

A laugh escaped Jensen and he looked at her with a smile. His eyes were squinted and she squinted and she could safely say that that was her favourite sight in the world. 

"I like sarcastic-you," Jensen pointed out, smirking at her as a blush bloomed over her cheeks. His favourite pastime was making her blush. They both knew it.   
"Sarcastic-me is a rare occurrence, appreciate her when you can," Y/n joked, sipping at her coffee. Jensen just smiled at her, a small laugh leaving his lips before he looked away. They sat in a comfortable silence, deep in their own thoughts. 

Things like this were why they were drawn to each other. This ability to be comfortable around each other without having to fill the silence with meaningless chatter. They didn't have to put effort into it, which just made everything easier. Sure, in the beginning it had been a little awkward, but that happened to everyone so you couldn't really hold it against them. 

There were other things too. Other reasons to be drawn to each other. She was Jensen's connection to his sanity. Now that he looked back he realised that he was on the cusp of something before she had arrived. He didn't know what exactly, but it wasn't something good. He had felt himself begin to drain away, but then she came along and... well, she saved him from himself. Everything had begun to feel hard by that point. Getting out of bed had seemed a challenge some days. He barely saw his wife, a woman he had loved at some point, but then he had begun to question it. How could he love someone who wasn't there? It had felt shameful to question his marriage, so he locked it away, deep in his mind. 

Then Y/n had arrived, and suddenly it was like his days had purpose again. Getting up every day meant he would see her, and seeing her made his world light up. Getting up and going to the park everyday meant he would see her smile. Getting up every day meant that maybe she might touch him, or he would catch her scent, or something about her would strike him and he could ride that high till he went to bed. 

Y/n tilted her head and smiled up at Jensen. Her eyes always lit up when she smiled and he loved that about her. 

"What's got you so happy?" He asked gently, nudging his head slightly at her.   
"Nothin'," she answered softly, eyes twinkling happily up at him.   
"Somehow I don't believe that," he answered, keeping his tone soft.   
"You're right," she didn't stop smiling and he didn't either because it was moments like this that kept them alive. It was moments like this that made everything feel ok again. 


	8. You Weren't A Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More gloomy days and a confession.

It was a matter of days before their new found peace fell into awkwardness once more. It was rather surprising what little it took to diminish their happiness. 

The weekend came around and Y/n had to run to the store once more. Apparently she still didn't have the hang of being an adult because she hadn't purchased enough groceries to last the whole week. 

So in her natural joy, she hopped on over to Jensen's apartment and knocked on the door. She was smiling bright, waiting for the handsome face she had grown to love, but alas, life had never been in her corner. 

Dani opened the doo and smiled when she saw the face of their (rather shocked looking) neighbour. 

"Hey, how are you?" She asked enthusiastically, smiling at the younger girl. 

Y/n gulped and tried not to let her smile look too forced. She couldn't tell if it worked. 

"Hey, I'm fine, how are you?"   
"Uff, busy, busy, busy," she answered, letting out an exaggerated sigh. 

Y/n tried to seem sympathetic, though it was hard when her heart was beating a million times a minute and she couldn't feel her legs. Did she even have legs? Of course she did, now her brain was just being absurd. Her palms sweated profusely and she discreetly wiped them against the sides of her shorts. 

"I'm heading to the grocery store, just wondered if you guys needed anything," Y/n tried to sound nonchalant but that was hard when her brain was screaming inside her skull that this was the woman who was married to the man she loved. The man she had slept with.   
"Oh that's so sweet of you! But no, we don't need anything, thank you so much," Dani smiled wide and two thoughts came to the centre of Y/n's head. 

The first, why did this woman have to be so sweet? If she had been a horrible person, her actions, albeit still inexcusable, would have been easier to handle. 

The second made her feel a little horrified of herself. Why did this woman have to be so pretty? This thought made Y/n feel insecure and pushed her farther into her own shell. What was she compared to this redhead goddess? In any world, if she had ever had even the smallest chance with Jensen, why would he pick her? Why would that handsome, amazing, man ever choose her when he already had everything someone could want? 

Y/n thought she had worked through these insecurities long ago, apparently not. 

"Alright, I'll see you," she waved at Dani then left, mind jumbled all over. 

Her trip through the grocery store was on the back of her mind. She could barely even remember getting there, buying anything, or leaving. Though out her whole trip all she could think about was Jensen. 

What had she done? She slept with him?! Why would she do that?! When did she become a home-wrecker? Oh god, this was horrible! She had fallen in love too, that made everything more complicated. UGH! Curse her feelings, curse happiness, curse everything that had made it impossible for her to find love and maybe just for once - for fucking once - allow her to be happy. 

*****

It had been another week. A week filled with worry, and sadness, and overthinking. 

Y/n spent the week crying on and off, eating a little too much ice cream, and watching movies that only succeeded to make her sadder. 

She didn't know what to do anymore. She was in love with someone she couldn't have, someone who probably wouldn't even love her back if he could. That thought only made her cry more. She felt unloveable. 

Jensen was... confused? Sad? Worried? Why wasn't she talking to him? Had he done something? Did he make her mad? His heart was literally hurting in his chest at not seeing her. He had called, texted, knocked at her door, but she wouldn't talk to him. 

Was he being needy? Had she become sick of him? Oh god, he had been too clingy, and now she was ghosting him! Ugh, of course this happened to him! First, he fell in love with his neighbour, while being a married man. Second, he slept with her and told her it was a mistake, which he regretted almost instantly. Last, he had driven her away, and now he was a depressed husk of a man. Jensen didn't know what to do, and it was starting to eat away at him. 

*****

The sky was grey. Not a dark menacing grey that instilled fear, but a monotonous grey that never seemed to end, and washed everything in its dull light. It made sense that it was raining. The weather reflected Y/n's mood. Endless pattering of rain droplets that forced to people to stay inside. She wouldn't stay inside today. 

Y/n picked up her umbrella and opened the door, the smallest bit of fear making a shiver run down her spine. When did she become agoraphobic? Maybe it was just the chill the rain brought. 

She stepped out of the door and headed to the courtyard, walking slowly. Her eyes flitted all over, tears beginning to prick at her eyes. That was where she first met Jensen. Right next to it was the bench where she used to work while Jensen lay next to her. All of it was more overwhelming than she thought it would be. 

Jensen was staring out of the window as he cradled Zeppelin close to his chest. (Holding the babies was always comforting). Then his eyes landed on a figure walking in the courtyard. He would know that figure anywhere. This was his chance. He had to go talk to her right NOW. Then the child in his arms started to squirm and he stopped himself. He had children to look after, he couldn't be this selfish. OH! Mrs. Mackie next door, she looked after the kids sometimes. Jensen grabbed the kids, his keys, and ran over. 

"Hello Jensen, what can I do for you?" The old lady was so sweet, and Jensen almost regretted dumping all this on her. Almost.   
"Hey Mrs. Mackie, I need a favour," he began, trying not to sound incoherent in his rush. "I really need to go and do something, would you mind looking after the kids for a little while?" Jensen's leg shook as he kept glancing back.   
"Of course sweeti-"  
"Great! Thank you! Dani'll pick them up later!" Jensen dropped everything in the door way and ran (though he did remember to text Dani to pick the kids up). 

Jensen saw her in the distance, and suddenly he didn't know what to say. The rain had already begun to seep into his clothes and his hair was matted to his forehead. 

"You weren't a mistake," he shouted.

Everything suddenly felt tense. She had turned around. She was staring at him. When he blinked the rain out of his eyes, he could see the tears in hers. Jensen began walking closer, slow deliberate steps until he saw that she had not begun to walk away. When he finally reached her, the umbrella moved to cover him too. 

"You'll get sick," she mumbled, voice slightly gravelly from the earlier tears.   
"You weren't a mistake," he replied breathily, because that's what she did. However cheesy it was, she took his breath away.   
"I..." her words trailed off as she stared into his eyes. It was like looking in them for the first time. Jensen held onto her upper arms and shook her lightly, pulling her closer to him till she was pressed firmly against him. Her skin was warm and he craved it in the cold. Her craved her. 

Y/n leaned up and gently cupped the sides of his neck, looking down for a moment. Her umbrella had fallen down a while ago and her tears blended in with the rain. When her body began to shake, Jensen clutched her tighter. His brows furrowed and he tilted her head up to look him in the eye. 

"Why are you crying?"  
"Because I'm happy," she sobbed out. "And you said I wasn't a mistake," she clung tighter to him.   
"You aren't a mistake, and I will prove that to you," he told her firmly.

He gripped her face in his hands tightly, fingers slipping slightly from the water. Her hurriedly brought their faces together, kissing her like her lips were the antidote to the poison that plagued him. Then again, the poison that plagued him was his love for her, and she really was the only antidote. 

Their kiss was a fire that heated them both. They clutched tight to each other and their noses bumped together every once in a while. His tongue stroked over hers and gently undulated in her mouth. A small moan left her mouth and her nails dug into his wet flannel over his sides.Jensen, enjoying the moment as much as humanly possible, couldn't help the thought that had plagued him from the beginning. 

Jensen had never voiced this to her. He never tried to think about it, because it made him feel shameful. Since they became friends, he had noticed that she was younger than him. Much younger. And it wasn't anything he would've had a problem with, but she was over twenty years younger than him. Anyone looking into their relationship would think he was after her because she was younger than him. What if she thought he was too old for her? 

Jensen pulled away from her lips gently, smiling softly when she chased after him. 

"What? What's wrong?" She stroked his sides softly, smiling when he clutched her tighter.   
"I'm older than you, much older," he began, watching as her brows furrowed.   
"So? You want me to call you Daddy?" Jensen smirked, a small blush on the apples of his cheeks making her smile softly. "Jens, I don't care, I... I love you, and that's all that matters." She told him hesitantly, looking to his chest as she held him, grip looser now, giving him the access to walk away if he wanted to.

Instead Jensen smiled, clutching her cheeks and kissing her again, though it was shorter this time. 

"I love you too," he whispered against her lips, smirking as he gently nudged her nose. 'He's adorable,' she thought, smiling right back at him. "Ok come on, I wanna see if 'Daddy' really works in the bedroom." 

A loud gasp fell from her lips and Jensen wiggled his eyebrows at her. 

*****

It was an entertaining struggle, removing their wet clothes. Jensen pulled hard one final time, sighing with happiness when her jeans stopped catching at her ankles and slipped off, falling to the floor with a wet 'thunk.' Y/n giggled and scooted back on the bed, waiting for Jensen to join her. He slowly crawled over her, kissing her shins, her thighs, her stomach, the valley between her breasts, her chest, her neck, and finally her lips. 

The kiss is soft, the softest they've ever had up to that point, and it carries a weight. The weight of their love that they will spend forever trying to communicate. 

Jensen pulled away and slowly slithered back down her body, carefully gripping the sides of her damp underwear and beginning to slide it down her legs. 

"How much time do we have?" She asked, gently stopping his hands and dragging his attention up to her face.   
"The kids are with a sitter, we have all night," he told her with a smirk, dropping a kiss against her hip bones. 

She nodded, laying back and closing her eyes. Y/n wanted to feel everything. She wanted to feel the way his lips skimmed over her skin, sticking sometimes when he met a part still damp from the rain. She wanted to feel how his hands tightened and loosened against her hips now that her underwear had been discarded somewhere in the room. Every sensation, every shift in the atmosphere; she wanted to feel it all. From the smallest sensation, to the loudest sound. All of it should fly over her, so she could commit everything to memory. 

She wanted to remember this moment for what it was. A moment. A glorious moment that held so much meaning behind it, good and bad. She needed this moment. It was one of the few that kept her alive. 


	9. Can I Take You Some Where

Jensen kissed her as their hips met again. The slapping of skin echoed in the room, mixed with his groans and her gasps. His arms trembled as they held by her head, whole body distracted by the pleasure. There was a fire burning behind his eyes, fuelled by the pleasure clawing through his body, up and out from his abdomen. 

He let his weight drop onto her slightly and she clutched tightly him, hands moving to grip his sides tightly. A hiss fell from his lips when her nails dug into his skin, but it only added to his pleasure. He pulled away from the kiss, locking eyes with her as he continued dragging his hips. 

"I love you," he told her, panting against her neck as he sucked marks against the soft skin.   
"I love you to-uh!" She moaned loudly, his tip grazing that special spot inside her. She could feel him smirk triumphantly against her neck. 

It didn't take much more to have them both falling over the edge. Jensen dropped his weight onto her, laughing at the small 'oof' she let out before rolling off and engulfing her in his arms. He pressed kisses to her forehead, cheeks, lips, and nose. She giggled uncontrollably and swatted at his arms lightly till he pulled away. 

They lay there, staring into each others eyes, happiness and contentedness swirling around them. The air was still kind of stuffy, and the smell of sex hung in the air, but they didn't mind. It only aided their pleasure, one of the many reminders of their recent activities. Maybe everything wasn't so bad, Y/n thought. 

*****

Jensen ran his finger over her temple. They were both still very naked, and still lay on her bed. They had no intentions of moving, not yet anyway, and proceeded to lay in bed and stare at each other. Jensen leaned on his arm which was situated on the pillow, while Y/n lay on her back, head turned to look at him through hooded lashes. 

"I'm gonna take you on a date," he suddenly said, voice slightly gruff, and completely arousing, to Y/n anyway. 

She smiled gently and nodded, hiding the sparks of excitement burning beneath her skin. It made her nerve endings feel like they were sizzling (in the best way possible). 

"I'd like that," she told him, running a finger over his smooth chest, down his defined abs, and back up to his chest. 

Y/n turned over, pressing her back to his chest and allowing his arms to engulf her, a contented sigh leaving her lips. They both stared out of the window, watching the clouds shift in the sky. The rain was still falling, hitting the glass with soft pattering sounds. 

Y/n used to hate the rain. It scared her to tears and made her want to hide. She would pray for it to stop since the first droplet, and hope that the sun would peak out and the clouds would go away. The rain brought nothing but destruction, and just listening to it made her heart race and sweat cover her skin. She did hide before, running into a room that had no windows (which tended to be the bathroom) and crying till she was left hiccuping. She was smart enough to drag her laptop in, the sounds would distract her, and try to outlast her fear. 

People tended to mock her for it, called her irrational and stupid, but they didn't know what it felt like. They didn't know how it felt to have your whole body shudder with fear, have your mind overthink at an unpreventable rate, and know you could do nothing to change it. 

But now, here, laying in her bed, surrounded by the man she loved, she didn't hate the rain. On the contrary, she quite loved it right now. It was because of the rain she was here. If not for the rain, she would never have walked out of the house, prompting his chase of her. The rain had washed away any doubts in that moment. The rain kept them together. So, yes, maybe the rain had scared her before, but now she loved it. 

*****

Y/n sat on her couch, scrolling through options on Netflix. Each movie passed, each denied. They all seemed so boring, especially when compared to the residual giddiness left behind from her earlier endeavours. 

Jensen had had to leave, reluctantly, and now here she sat, freshly showered and trying oh so desperately to distract herself. It was not healthy to dwell on something as much as she dwelled on him, and everything that transpired between them. 

Her phone buzzing beside her pulled her from her search. 

Jensen sat at the dinner table, trying to focus on his plate. Dani had come home earlier today, a very rare occurrence. He had a hard time looking at her, especially when he was still high off of earlier. He kept his eyes on his plate, or the kids, only offering her a passing glance every once in a while so as not to arouse suspicion. 

He couldn't stop thinking about her. His girl, though how much of a right he had to call her that, he didn't know. She was on the forefront of his mind. The way her skin felt, the way she said his name, the way her hair fell over her shoulders. Everything about her called to his attention so much, that he had to excuse himself to the bathroom. He could text her safely in there, he thought. 

Y/n lit up when she saw the contact. Jensen had texted her. 

**J: I miss you :(**

A small giggle left her lips.

**Y: What are you doing?**

**J: Dinner. How about you?**

She took a picture quickly, her legs stretched onto the coffee table and Netflix up on the TV. 

**Y: Any suggestions?**

**J: Can't go wrong with a horror movie**

**Y: Absolutely not.  
** **Y: I hate horror movies**

**J: No, really?!**

**Y: Yes! I absolutely hate them.**

**J: Oh god, now I have to make you watch some.**

**Y: No.**

**J: Alright, no horror movies  
J: Comedy?**

**Y: Which one? There's a lot**

**J: Um...**

**Y: You're just as unhelpful as me**

**J: Hm. Yeah.**

**Y: Great.**

Jensen chuckled quietly to himself, pocketing his phone and washing his face. He needed his game face on till they went to bed. 

Y/n clicked off her phone and dropped it beside her on the couch. It felt nice knowing she had him. She could kiss him, and hug him, and have mind-blowing sex with him. She could talk to him, learn more about him, have his opinions on her stories, his criticisms. 

A small smile pulled on her lips and she pressed on Peaky Blinders. She needed a good show right now. 

*****

Jensen sat against the headboard, phone in hand as Dani went about her night routine, calling out to him from the bathroom. 

"JJ goes back to school tomorrow," Dani called, brushing her hair.   
"Yeah," Jensen called back, smiling when an adorable picture of Y/n popped up on his phone. The picture was quickly changed to become his screensaver. He wanted to see it everyday. 

**J: JJ starts school tomorrow**

**Y: Aw. I'm gonna miss her**

**J: Yeah, but now we can make out in my apartment.**

**Y: You're like a horny teenager**

**J: Yes, well, you make me feel young**

All she sent back was a laughing emoji. 

"J?"   
"Yeah, sorry hun," Jensen looked up from his phone and smiled at his wife.   
"Anyway, I'll drop her off and you need to pick her up at two thirty." Jensen nodded, forgetting his phone for a moment as he smiled at the thought of his little girl going back to school. His phone buzzed and he looked back down quickly. 

**Y: Can I take you somewhere tmrw?**

**J: Sure  
J: But I need to pick up JJ at 2:30**

**Y: Oo! Can I come with?!**

**J: Hahahah, sure**

Jensen smiled and quickly texted their usual sitter. 'Yes! She was available.' 

**J: Ok, we can leave at 9:30  
** **J: Is that ok?**

She didn't answer right away, and then a few minutes passed and he began to get worried. 

**Y: Yeah that works great  
Y: Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I was putting on a face mask  
** **Y: Wanna see?**

Jensen let out a soft chuckle and replied. This girl was amazing. Another picture popped up and her face was all blue and purple. This time a laugh left his lips and he saved the picture. It was too good not to. 

"What are you laughing at?" Dani asked, beginning to get irritated with Jensen's attitude.   
"Nothing, sorry, you have my full attention," Jensen quickly texted Y/n a goodbye and dropped his phone onto his nightstand. No need to arouse suspicion.   
"So I have to go to a company dinner tomorrow night," Dani told him, noticing the way his nostrils flared slightly and there was a tick in his jaw. 

Jensen couldn't help his old feelings. His anger at his wife never being there, though this time not for himself, flared through him. Did she ever spend time with the kids? The other day JJ asked where Mommy was, and if she even still had one. 

"Again?" His voice came out more gravelly than intended.   
"Yeah," she didn't offer any other answer, and he didn't press it. He didn't care anymore.

Jensen down under the covers and closed his eyes. He just had to get through the night, that's all. His phone buzzed on the side-table, but he didn't bother picking it up. The lamp switched off and he felt her slide into bed behind him. 

A small hand ran up his back, but he didn't make a move, didn't even flinch. The hand ran up his arm, then down his leg. Slowly it travelled over his hip, and began sneaking under his waistband. That's when he finally moved. 

"Stop," he shoved her hand away, more firm than he'd intended, but it got the job done all the same. Dani sighed and turned her back to Jensen. Tonight wasn't good. 


	10. A Day in Nature

Jensen woke up wit Dani the next morning. He always did when it was a school day. JJ rubbed at her eyes as Jensen sat on the side of her bed, smiling softly at the adorable little girl. 

"Time for school sweetheart," he told her gently, helping her sit up and slide out of bed. He helped her get ready for the day, joked with her about school as they got her backpack ready, and made sure her pigtails were perfect.   
"I'm gonna miss you daddy," she told him as he hugged her by the door.   
"I'm gonna miss you too sweetheart," he told her, kissing her cheek and sending her off with Dani. 

Once the door closed behind them he let out a sigh and allowed himself a smile. One more hour and he would be with her. His Y/n. 

Jensen rubbed a hand down his forehead before going to grab his phone. 

There were two notifications, both messages from the night before. 

**Y: Wear/Pack swim trunks  
** **Y: I love you <3**

Jensen's heart raced when he read the texts and he couldn't help the smile on his face. 

**J: Alright  
** **J: I love you too**

He put the phone down again and headed into the bathroom, this would be a good day. 

****

The sitter had arrived, and once everything had settled, Jensen stepped out of the house. He stopped for a moment, staring ahead of his doorstep. He felt free. For once he felt free. No responsibilities, no worries. All he had to think about was her, and how much fun they were going to have. 

A sigh of pure relief and happiness left him and he hopped on over to her apartment. 

The door swung open and as soon as he saw her smile, he stepped in the door and kissed her. It wasn't rough, but it was firm and had a small 'oomph' falling from her lips. He pressed her back into the door as it shut behind them and started trailing kisses down her neck. Slowly he pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers, licking his lips. Their chests heaved and pressed together with every breath, bodies trembling slightly. His hands clutched the sides of her neck, and when they both felt settled enough they opened their eyes. 

"Good morning," she whispered, a wry smile on her lips as she reached up and stroked his cheek softly.   
"Good morning," his voice was gravelly and wonderful, and she loved it. She loved him.   
"That's a hell of a way to greet someone," she breathed out, pecking his lips softly before pulling back. 

Jensen smiled down at her before pulling back slightly, allowing her room to breathe. 

"Yeah, well, you deserve the best," he smirked at her, before allowing his eyes to rove her body. 

She was wearing cloth shorts, a blue and white bohemian pattern, that billowed around her thighs. A white shirt that sat off her shoulders and cut off above the waistband of the shorts, billowing around her waist. She looked like some beautiful beach goddess. Straps from her swimsuit tied up behind her neck and she smiled softly at Jensen. 

"You look..." Jensen stopped smirking at her.   
"What? Is it bad? Is there something off?" She quickly looked down and began to examine her clothes with worry.   
"Delicious," he licked his lips and chuckled at the gasp she let out.   
"Alright, Casanova, let's go," she shook her head and turned away from him, grabbing a canvas bag he hadn't seem before, and slipping her car keys off the ring on the wall.

She threw the keys and Jensen and opened the door, looking it behind them as they headed down to the garage. 

"Where are we going?" He asked, draping his arm over her shoulders as they walked. Y/n wrapped her arm around his waist and they both allowed themselves small, secret, smiles. 

"Hamilton Pool Preserve," she stroked his side softly, sending shivers up his spine. "I saw it on Pinterest, when I was fifteen, and I've always wanted to go. So I thought why not go with someone I love?" She smiled sweetly up at him before smirking slyly. "And it's a good excuse to see you without a shirt on," Jensen chuckled and slipped his hand down to smack her ass. 

"You didn't need to take me anywhere to see me wet and shirtless. I would've hopped into the shower with you anytime." Jensen bent down and kissed her cheek, smirking when she swatted at his chest and looked away bashfully, a blush colouring her cheeks. 

When they reached her car, he looked around for a moment before shoving her against the car, attaching his lips to hers and kissing her harshly. A loud gasp fell from her lips and she pressed into the hands gripping her hips tightly.

He kissed her aggressively, tongue shoved into her mouth with skill and tantalising ferocity. Her lungs began to burn when he finally began to slow the kiss down, smoothening the pace till their lips moved tenderly, finally coming to a stop. 

He pulled away, a string of saliva connecting them before he licked his lips and smirked at her, stepping away. 

"What- um- why? Hm, uh, huh?" She cleared her throat and tried to clear her dazed mind.   
"Kissing you is a gift, and I'm proving to you you aren't a mistake," he smiled at her, a genuine smile, and it had her heart fluttering like crazy in her chest.   
"If you keep kissing me like that, I might die of a heart attack," she breathed out, watching as he moved around the car. 

A laugh left his lips as he moved to sit down in the driver's seat. Y/n followed suit and he drove out of the underground parking, his hand resting on her thigh as they relaxed into the motions of the vehicle. 

****

The GPS occasionally called out directions, but the ride in the car was primarily silent. They had stopped to get snacks and drinks so they could have a small picnic on the shore, then headed on their way once more. 

Y/n spent the ride looking out the window, letting her eyes wander over the landscape. She enjoyed this seemingly mundane scene. In general she tended to enjoy moments like these, mundane, simple. They were always the best because she could just relax. His hand on her thigh, a simple gesture, was a comforting reminder that he was there, that he loved her, wanted to be near her, and a million other reassuring things that made her life easier. 

Jensen pulled up by a line of trees and turned the car off. He turned to look at her and kissed her cheek gently before getting out of the car with a carefree smile and all, and helped him grab the snacks and the blanket from the backseat. 

There was a small walk to get to the pools, and with each step Y/n's excitement grew. Jensen watched her with a gentle, loving, smile. Her excitement was adorable, and it made him happy to see her so happy. 

They saw a clearing coming up ahead and heard the rush of falling water and the sloshing as it hit the pool. Y/n jumped slightly and quickened her pace as she tried to reach the edge of the trees. Jensen just chuckled and shook his head following after his lover. 

The pool was beautiful. Blue water that rippled gently with the breeze. There were trees of all shades of green around the shore, going up and down the rocks that acted as natural steps. They could see where the rock still hun over part of the pool like natural awning. The water fall that fell from it into the gurgled and foamed as the white water fell into the lake, another cause for the ripples. 

The whole scene was breathtaking. Y/n and Jensen stood side by side and admired everything, awe colouring their features. What made the scene better was the lack of people. There was no one else there to disturb them and that they could have fun to the fullest. 

Y/n was the first to move, walking toward the rocks and began her descent down the natural steps. Jensen followed and could feel the excitement rising within himself. This would be fun; honestly, it already was. 

They hopped down the rocks before choosing a slightly shaded spot to lay their blanket. Y/n hummed as she lay everything out, jovial and without a care in the world. The snacks, the drinks, everything got laid out before she began stripping. 

Jensen was bent down, dropping her bag onto the blanket, when his eyes landed on her. Her shirt slipped over her skin and in his eyes it was happening in slow motion. Her arms were stretching over her head and the flimsy piece of cloth was flung to the floor. Then there she was, a black bikini accentuating her breasts to make them even more beautiful than usual. Her cleavage was, for lack of better words, out of this world and he had to resist the urge of kissing at her chest. Next to go were the shorts, revealing an almost thong-like piece that tied at her hip. Long legs hat were deemed too beautiful, by him, attracted his eyes and he lost his breath. He lost his breath just looking at her and that seemed something to note. It truly showed the intensity of his feelings. 

Jensen stood up straight and toed off his shoes, slipping his shirt off in a hurry as he heard the telltale sounds of someone getting into the water. Once the shirt was over his head, he looked out at the water and saw a shape moving before Y/n surfaced. She pushed her hair back and wiped water from her eyes before smiling at Jensen. 

"This amazing!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up and sinking for a second before pushing back up and continuing to float in the water. Jensen began running and smirked as her eyes widened and she turned around just as he jumped and splashed her.   
"Dick!" She screamed, turning around and glaring at him as he resurfaced and wiped the water from his eyes.

A wide smirk pulled at his lips and he began wading over to her. His bulging arms glistened with the water and the beautiful muscles were distracting. When he got alarmingly close, her eyes widened and she shrieked, thrashing away as fast as she could, but it was much too late. His arms encircled her waist and dragged her over to him, tucking her tight to his chest as he smiled warmly at her. She stopped thrashing and pouted, twisting in his arms so she could wrap hers around his neck and pull him impossibly closer. 

His skin was cool and smooth, and taut, over his muscular shoulders. He gripped her tighter as he leaned down for a kiss, softly pecking her pout then pulling back to gauge her reaction. Her expression remained the same though her eyes seemed lighter. He kissed her again, this time more firm and pulled back once more. He repeated the action again and again, deepening the kiss a little more every time, until their tongues were caressing and their breaths were heavy. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, looking for assurance, agreement that this was really happening. 

He just kissed her again, hands splaying across her back as her legs tightened around his waist. One of his hands journeyed down and slipped under the waistband making her breath hitch. They had moved to the back of the pool and bumped slightly against the rough wall. Jensen turned them around so that the wall didn't scrape her back. Her small hands palmed him through the shorts and a gruff whine left his lips, his kisses on her neck becoming increasingly aggressive. 

She shoved his waistband down and he positioned himself, looking into her eyes with a dangerous glint. 

This was so... dangerous? Crazy? Adventurous? All of the above? Maybe that was what made it more pleasurable, knowing that any second someone could step down the rocks and see them. 

He thrust harder, arms wrapping around her torso so he could pull her up and down to meet his thrusts. Their lips moved back together, but at this point it wasn't even kissing. They panted against each others mouths, moans, whimpers, groans all falling from them deep in the throes of pleasure. Once they neared the edge, she whispered an 'I love you' in his ear, triggering his release, which in turn triggered hers. 

They floated there for a while, calming their breaths and allowing the feeling to return to their muscles. She smiled dazedly up at him, lolling her head back and giggling. Jensen smiled, eyes sparkling, before reaching up and pushing some damp curls behind her ear. He liked to see her face. 

"What's got you so giggly?" His voice was rough, slightly hoarse, and if that wasn't the most attractive thing she had ever heard then she didn't know what was.   
"I've never done that before."   
"You've never had sex in a pool?!" His incredulous tone made her cheeks flush and had her head turning away. He turned her head back, a bright smile on his face.   
"No, is that something everyone's done?" Y/n still wouldn't look him in the eye so he held her face between his hands and made her.   
"I'm happy you got to experience it with me," a soft smile making its way onto her lips as she finally met his gaze.   
"It's just, I've never done it in public before, and given Tom's career, we never really had the chance." 

Jensen nodded, kissing her cheek before beginning to pull away, groaning as the water helped loosen his muscles. He lay back and floated, a serene smile on his face. Y/n followed suit, closing her eyes and getting lost in the moment. 

The chirping of the birds became distant as the water filled her ears and lapped at her skin. The sun warmed her face and stomach and a gentle breeze cooled it slightly. The sounds of the water lapping at the shore and the gurgling of the waterfall all calmed her, setting her into a tranquil state. It was moments like these that she looked back upon, called upon in time of stress, and knowing he was there only made it better. 


	11. A Fight and Pick Up Time

She lay back on the picnic blanket, arm thrown over her eyes as the breeze blew over them. They lay side by side, sides pressed together and hands tangled between them. Neither said a thing, and neither was asleep. Just laying there, in each others' presence, feeling the shift of each breath, the smallest twitch of a muscle. It was a reassurance, that just knowing they were next to each other just made everything ok. 

It was kind of scary, ho much it mattered that he was near her, but the way it felt was amazing, which overrode the fear. The way just his presence comforted her was... she didn't have the words to describe it. It was indescribable. 

A small, almost inaudible, sigh left her lips and she shifted onto her side, draping her arm over his abdomen. He shifted closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and resting his chin on her head as she lay it on his chest. 

"This is nice," she mumbled, his chest rumbling under her as he hummed a reply. Her fingertips traced the dents of his abs, running through the ridges and over each firm peak, feeling the smooth skin.   
"You keep doing that and I'll fall asleep," he told her, kissing her hair softly. 

A breathy laugh left her lips and she continued, draping her leg over his and hugging him like a koala to a tree. 

They lay there, falling asleep in the shade, surrounded by beauty, encompassed in their love for each other. 

*****

They napped for a little while, cuddled up together, when a disturbance woke them. Voices were approaching and their raucousness had Y/n's eyes fluttering open. She sat up slowly, pulling her stiff limbs from Jensen and standing up to stretch. People were coming down the rocks, more specifically BOYS were coming down the steps. There were three of them and they all seemed hyper and around her age. 

She sat back on her knees and looked down at Jensen. He looked beautiful when asleep, and the sight brought a smile to her lips. She began pressing kisses all over his face, eventually receiving a grumble as his eyebrows furrowed and his nose scrunched up. 

"Wake up sleepy," she sing-songed, shaking his chest slightly. 

Suddenly his arms shot out and wrapped around her, a squeal falling from her, before he rolled them over and lay down on top of her. His whole weight rested on her and the breath left her lungs in a huff. A chuckle came from above and she just frowned at Jensen. His eyes opened slowly and he smiled lazily at her, a certain smugness in his expression.

"Get off," she wheezed out, trying to catch her breath, and all he did was shake his head.   
"Gimme a kiss first," he answered smugly. She quickly pecked his chin, the only thing she could reach, and fell back. He shook his head and looked back down. "A proper one," he told her, not having time to tease her by moving away again because she was on him, kissing him breathless till he seemed weak enough, pushing him so that he rolled onto his back. 

She jumped up, a triumphant smile on her lips, and moved away. Jensen lay there for a bit, smiling as the remnants of his tiredness slowly left. He got up and saw that Y/n had already slipped her clothes back on and was sipping from a bottle as she scrolled through her phone. Jensen slipped his shirt back on and grabbed his phone as she spoke. 

"We should get going soon, I wanna get there a little early, I miss JJ," she said, not looking away from her phone. 

Jensen paused and looked at her, heart racing. She was being a mom, a better mom than Dani, and he didn't know how to feel about that. How was he even supposed to feel about something like that? Was he supposed to be happy that the woman he loved cared about his children? Was he supposed to be sad that another woman was a better mother than their actual mother? 

He hummed an affirmation before turning back to his phone. He stared at his background, a picture of the whole family smiling wide. He trailed his eyes over the picture once more, before going into his settings and changing it. The picture of her smiling would be his new background. It was done now. 

He looked back to her and smiled, moving over and kissing her cheek before grabbing the drink he'd bought for himself. Soon they began packing everything up (punctuating their work with kisses) and grabbed the bags, ready to walk away. 

The boys had all jumped into the pool and were being overly loud. Y/n began to walk away from their picnic site, but a loud voice made her pause. 

"Where you goin' sweet-cheeks?" It wasn't Jensen. Her cheeks turned red from nerves and she turned to look at Jensen, eyes wide in panic. How was she supposed to handle this? 

The boy began walking toward her and she turned her gaze to Jensen again, alarm clear in her eyes. He began walking over to her, face serious and jaw set. 

The boy was tall, not taller than Jensen but taller than her. She looked up at him, nervous. He had blue eyes and dark brown hair wet from the pool. 

"Home," she answered quietly, a sigh of relief coming from her when she felt Jensen come up beside her. 

He rested his arm over her shoulders and she pressed into his side, hand clenching in his shirt on his back. 

"Why go home? You can hang with us." The boy purposefully ignored Jensen's presence, and that made his jaw grind slightly.   
"No, it's ok," she answered quietly.   
"Yeah we gotta go, nice meetin' you," Jensen spoke up, turning away from the boy and beginning to lead her away from that... offending personality.   
"Oh, you're lookin' after your dad," she could hear the smirk in his voice and felt Jensen stop. 

'Oh god,' was all she could think. Just as Jensen was going to turn back, she stopped him, standing in front of him and placing a hand on his chest. 

"Hey," she whispered, making him look her in the eye. "Not worth it, ok? He just wants a rise out of you." Jensen gulped and nodded, beginning to walk again. 

"Bye old time," the boy called, and she had had enough.

Anger rose within her, toxic and unforgiving. She pulled away from Jensen angrily and stomped over to the boy, Jensen's protests behind her gone unnoticed. The boy smiled at her, thinking he had succeeded, but when she got within arms length, her arm reared back and she punched the obnoxious dickhead square in the face. He crumpled to the floor and Y/n stepped closer. 

"Don't. Insult. My boyfriend," she seethed, turning and beginning to walk away. Adrenaline took away most of the pain but her knuckles were beginning to throb. 

She walked past Jensen and he quickly followed, a smirk on his face, this girl continued to surprise him. 

"You crazy bitch!" Came a shout from far behind them, but Y/n laughed giddily. 

Once they reached the car, Y/n paced in front of it, jumping slightly every now and again. 

"Oh my god. Oh. My. God. I can't believe I just did that! I just punched someone in the face! What the fuck! What the fuck was that?! Oh lord-" 

Her rambling was suddenly cut off when Jensen kissed her so hard their teeth clashed slightly. When he pulled away, eyes twinkling wildly, he rubbed her arms up and down. 

"You're awesome, you know that?" He kissed her again, laughed once more, then dumped the bags in the back and got into the drivers seat. 

She fell into the passenger seat and smiled, feeling freer than she had in a long time. It felt like she was in control of something, and that feeling was amazing. 

*****

They pulled into the school and got out of the car. There were other parents standing in the courtyard. Single moms mostly, who eyed up Jensen the second he stepped onto the brick. Their eyes then moved to the girl stood next to him, eyebrows raising and judgemental looks being thrown around with the gossip. 

"They don't look alike, they can't be related," one woman whispered to her friend, blatantly staring at the couple.   
"Did him and Dani get divorced? She looks much younger than him," another woman said to her group, her staring slightly more discreet than the others. 

"They're all staring at me," she whispered to Jensen, eyes darting between the women.   
"They're jealous," he answered, but all he got was a scoff accompanied with an eye roll.   
"You're just saying tat," she answered, standing in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest and a pout on her lips. 

Jensen let out a laugh just as kids started coming out of the school building. They watched the doors waiting for JJ to walk out, smiles making their was onto the couple's faces. 

A little boy came barreling past JJ and shoved her, the little girl falling to the floor. A gasp left Y/n's lips and rage filled every cell. Her throbbing knuckles were forgotten once more as she clenched her fists. 

"I'm gonna push that kid into the sand," she voiced angrily, beginning to walk in his direction before Jensen was pulling her back and wrapping his arms around her to stop her struggling.   
"Whoah there tiger. He's six, you're an adult, and as much as I would love to see you push him into the sand, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen." He heard her sigh before she nodded against his chest and slowly began to let her go.   
"I won't do it, but I'm gonna think about it," she told him, sounding rather like an indignant toddler.

Jensen just laughed and began walking to JJ who had gotten up and begun dusting off the skirt of her dress with a small pout. 

"Hey sweetheart," Jensen bent down to her level and hugged her, smiling when a muffled 'hi daddy' fell against his chest. He pulled back and smiled at her when she caught sight of Y/n.   
"(Y/n/n)!" The little girl squealed, pulling away from her father and running at Y/n. She smiled brightly and hugged the little blonde, kissing her head gently and rubbing her back softly.   
"Hey munchkin!" She answered enthusiastically, grabbing the little girl's bag and slinging it over her own shoulder. Y/n held the little girl's hand as they began walking to the car, Jensen grabbing JJ's other hand. "How was your day?"   
"It was ok. They made us do hand paintings and I started reading 'The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar'," hopping as she walked.   
"Oh! I loved 'The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar'!" Y/n exclaimed, smiling widely as the little girl giggled. 

Jensen watched them, smiling at the moment. It was adorable, and heart warming to watch them together. Y/n was so good with JJ and cared for her as if she were her own daughter. Jensen had seen enough of his friends get divorced, then get a girlfriend, only to have the kids hate her and vice versa. While JJ didn't know that Y/n was his girlfriend, it made it slightly easier that they at least liked each other. 

"And Tommy just pushed me," JJ pouted as they reached the car, Jensen turning back into the conversation.   
"Aw, I'm sorry sweetheart," Jensen told her, unlocking the car and grabbing the schoolbag from Y/n.   
"You wanna bake some cookies? I have all the ingredients, if your dad doesn't mind of course," Y/n and JJ looked to Jensen with wide hopeful eyes, doing their best puppy dog eyes.   
"Yeah, you can stay for dinner too," he said, soft smile as he looked at Y/n.   
"Yay!" JJ squealed, hopping into the backseat as Y/n and Jensen sat down in the front. 


	12. An Unexpected Visitor

They drove with music in the background, some radio station that beeped out the swear words. Y/n and JJ kept chatting, Jensen occasionally dropping in his two cents, and played some games. It was a fun ride, and soon they were pulling into the parking lot. They all got out of the car and into the elevator. 

"Ok, I'll grab the ingredients and be over in a bit," she told them, receiving an enthusiastic nod from JJ and a gentle smile and nod from Jensen. 

They reached their floor and stepped out. No one realised someone was sitting on Y/n's doorstep. She was looking at Jensen when the clearing of a throat caught their attention. 

"Y/n?" Came a breathless voice. A British accent. A voice she used to love. A voice that used to shyly sing for her. A voice that had told her it loved her a thousand times. A voice that had screamed angrily at her. A voice that made her insides hurt and made her want to disappear. 

Y/n turned to him with watery eyes and tight lungs. He was here. She couldn't breathe. Now that he was here she couldn't breathe. 

He looked good. His eyes, brown and beautiful, were wide with disbelief. His hair was shorter, probably for a role, but still luscious and soft looking. He was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. The sneakers he was wearing were a gift from her on some birthday a while ago. She wondered if he wore them to throw her off even more. 

"What... um, what are you doing here?" She asked, voice confused and breathless. Y/n felt like she was stalled. She couldn't move, could barely talk, and definitely couldn't comprehend him being here. 

Jensen didn't like this. At. All. This must be Tom, the ex-boyfriend. He seemed to be around her age, maybe a little older. The way she was staring a him, stood there unable to move, made Jensen uneasy.

"JJ, can you go inside please?" The little girl nodded, unaware of the tense atmosphere, and left quickly.

Jensen stepped closer to Y/n and squared his shoulders just slightly. Y/n didn't notice, mind whirling too much. Jensen's brows furrowed and everyone was quiet for a bit, lost in their own thoughts and not knowing what to say. 

"Um, hi, I'm Tom," he finally said, turning to look at Jensen, his expression still dazed.   
"I'm Jensen," he replied, not letting up on his intense stare. 

That small conversation (could it even be considered a conversation?) was what broke Y/n out of her reverie. 

"Jensen, I'll see you later," she told him softly, finally shifting her gaze from Tom.   
"What?" His eyes widened slightly and the tough guy persona slipped.   
"I'll call you, ok? Tell JJ I'm sorry I can't bake today," her eyes were pleading with him but she could see the apprehension still present. Finally he gulped.   
"Yeah," before leaving, the door closing behind him. 

Jensen's heart was hurting. So many painful things came to mind all at once. All his darkest thoughts fed his despair till he was hyperventilating on the couch. 

The babysitter had left two seconds ago, and he couldn't hear anything from outside which meant they had most likely gone into her apartment. The babies were playing in their pen and JJ was reading in her room, letting Jensen have his time to be depressed for a little while. 

She had been in love with this guy for a long time, and what if he wanted her back? Who was he kidding, she was amazing, of course he wanted her back. But what if she wanted Tom back? What if Jensen became the rebound? And did he even have a right to be mad? He was married, and Tom could give her a relationship that didn't have to be hidden from people they knew. 

No, he _would_ be mad. He would be mad if that happened because she had told him she loved him. Jensen let out a sigh and rubbed a hand down his face, anting to scream. How was he supposed to deal with this?

Technically, he couldn't do anything, because in the end she was the one who had to deal with it. She was the one who had to make the decision. 

Jensen shook his head, bringing him back to the present. He was freaking out for no reason, nothing was going to happen. She loved him, and he loved her. Right? 

*****

Y/n stared at Tom after the door closed behind Jensen. He still looked good. She was hoping that it was her imagination the first time around. He was looking right back at her, eyes swimming with emotions. 

"What did you do to your hand?" He asked, gazing at the purple-blue bruises painting her knuckles. She looked down and chuckled.   
"I punched a dude in the face," she told him, smiling as their eyes met. Tom liked the way her's twinkled,   
"That's... incredible," he said with a laugh, smiling at her. "Do you mind if I wrap those?"   
"Um, sure," she began to her door and allowed him inside, dropping her keys on the table and moving further into the apartment to grab the first aid kit. 

Tom settled onto the couch and looked around the room, a smile pulling at his lips. The ballerina painting, the lemons, the snow globes on the shelf, the bookshelves. All of it was familiar. All of it was her. He looked at the sunflower and silhouette picture just as she came back. He always knew she had it in her. She had started seriously painting after they had met. 

"Here," she sat down next to him, the first aid box wedged between them to keep space. 

However much they tried to ignore it, the tension still hung in the room. It prickled on their arms in the form of goosebumps and made the hairs on the backs of their necks rise. 

They didn't make eye contact while he wrapped her knuckles. She remembered sitting next to him in their living room as he wrapped his knuckles after a particularly gruelling training in the boxing gym. He'd try to smile bravely at her but she would just hold his hand gingerly and kiss the knuckles. He would always pull her into a kiss after that, but it seemed to become a ritual for them. 

Once Tom finished, he bent down and kissed the bandage. Y/n didn't recoil instantly. Against her better judgement, her heart warmed, but she looked away, clearing her throat. 

They sat there for a while, not saying anything, not knowing what to say. 

Tom had been having a rough year, in his personal life anyway. He had been getting parts left, right, and centre. He was travelling the world, doing press tours, meeting people he had only dreamed of meeting, but it came at a price. 

Tom had known things weren't going right in their relationship. He knew they had been arguing a lot, and his constant absence didn't help that, but he had pans. He had plans to change everything. Filming was going to end in a few days and he had planned some time off to spend with Y/n. They loved each other, and that meant they could work past anything. 

He had bought a bouquet of her favourite flowers on the way home, and his heart was thudding with ecstatic anticipation. He opened the door and was greeted with a quiet house. This was off. Y/n always had music playing. 'Maybe she was watching a movie,' he thought, venturing further into the house. Nothing. No sign of the woman he loved _anywhere._ Tom's pulse was thundering in his ears and he couldn't think straight. 

Had she been kidnapped? Murdered? Had she... had she left him? 

He called her phone and it rung over and over. So it wasn't off. 

Tom grabbed his keys and went to Shey's house. She had to be there. He knocked on the oak door and tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for her to open the door. When it finally did, and the small woman looked at him, he noticed a few suitcases sat in the hall. 

"Hey Tom, what's up?"  
"Where is she?" His voice sounded pained and he was staring at her desperately.   
"Y/n? SHe's probably at her parent's house." Shey stepped back and slammed the door in his face. He knew she was probably lying, but he didn't really have a choice. He had to find her. 

*****

"Are we gonna dance around the elephant?" She finally asked, looking to Tom with apprehensive eyes. He let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. 

Y/n wasn't expecting his calmness. She had been expecting anger, and screaming, and tears. This was... odd, different. 

"How'd you find me?" She finally asked, staring at the floor as she leaned her elbows on her thighs.   
"It took a while. Shey wouldn't tell me, neither would Maja. I even went to your parents house. I know they didn't know we were dating because of everything, so I just said I was a friend of yours. They said to ask Shey but I saw the dogs there. I had to pester Maja forever and she finally gave in." 

Y/n would have to have some strong words with her friend later. 

She let out a sigh and felt her eyes begin to water with the onslaught of emotions. 

"Tom I-"   
"No, just-just hear me out. Please." His eyes were pleading and he was holding her uninjured hand tight in both of his.   
"I just-"   
"Please! One dinner. That's it. Have one dinner with me and then you can throw me out of your life. Please." He sounded so desperate that it broke her heart. She _had_ loved him a lot, and maybe there was still some part of her that loved him.   
"Fine. One dinner." 

Tom smiled brightly and kissed the back of her hand in excitement. He was making a big gamble, but he had a chance. He had a chance to get the love of his life back. 

*****

Y/n lay on her bed, hugging her pillow tight. She had been there since Tom left. That interaction had drained her and now she was just tired and confused. She didn't know what to do anymore. She had agreed to dinner because she felt like he deserved that much at least. They had been together for three years before she up and left, didn't he at least deserve that? 

Then her mind drifted to Jensen and what he would think. How could she assure him she wasn't cheating on him? And did that even matter considering their situation? It was just a cycle of discombobulating thoughts that sent her even closer to depression. 

*****

Jensen had been waiting for the call, rather impatiently. He would pace, then sit down, only to feel antsy again a moment later and pace once more. It was a vicious cycle that made his skin itch and his head hurt, he couldn't stop it. 

The only thing that could stop it was that darned call but it didn't seem to arrive. 

What could possibly have happened? Were they still talking? Had they gone out somewhere? Oh god, were they making out on her couch? 

Jensen sat down once more and stared at his phone. It was taunting him, sitting there all still and pristine. Finally, after his heart rate became too aggressive, he picked up the phone and dialled her number. He would've texted but the conversation felt too important.

Y/n let her phone ring for a while before bothering to check it. She didn't have the energy. 

When her eyes saw Jensen's name on the phone, her whole body tensed up. What was she going to say to him? She couldn't even sort out her feelings, how was she supposed to explain them to him? 

"Hey," his voice was gruff and almost apprehensive. She could feel the tenseness in the atmosphere. She knew he could feel it too, the pressure, the fear, the rigidness.   
"Hi," was her simple response, because what more could she say? What was she supposed to say?   
"Are you ok?" Well that melted her heart. Tears began to collect in her eyes and her throat clogged up.   
"No," she answered truthfully, tears beginning to run down her cheeks.   
"What happened?" His voice was concerned, and all she really wanted was a hug from him, but seeing him probably wasn't the best decision.   
"All of this is so overwhelming. I don't know what to do, and that's scary." She sounded like a terrified child, it made his heart hurt. She felt pathetic. 

The call went quiet as they both got lost in their thoughts. Jensen let out a soft, almost inaudible, sigh before asking what was really on his mid. 

"Are you gonna see him again?" He heard a sharp intake of breath that really didn't help his nerves.   
"Yes," her voice was small, apprehensive, almost shameful.   
"Oh." It was all he could say. 

Y/n's heartbeat quickened and she felt defensive. She had to explain, get Jensen to understand why she did it. She had a good reason, right? 

"Jensen, we had been together for three years then I just left. Doesn't he deserve that much? Just one meeting, that's all he asked for, it doesn't seem so bad."  
"Y/n he hurt you, bad, that's why you left," he told her, tone getting more agitated. "Why would you give him more time?"   
"Because I loved him, and he deserves this much," Y/n was starting to feel the agitation as well, feeling the tears well once more. 

Jensen went silent once she said that. His blood pounded in his ears and he felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He was on a roller coaster and they just dropped. He suddenly had tunnel vision and memories of the last few months all suddenly felt like lies. Were they all lies? Was everything that had happened a sham? 

"Do you still love him?" 


	13. A Tough Conversation

She was silent. She was fucking silent. The only sound that came from his phone were soft breaths and for the first time in a long time, Jensen felt his eyes burn with tars. His heart clenched so hard it felt like it stopped working. 

He heard a sob from the other side but he was in too much pain. Tears were burning his eyes and cheeks, his throat was already painfully tight, and somehow his skin felt painful. 

"Please Jensen," she whimpered. "I still love you, ok? I love you," but the words didn't register. He was too busy being deafened by the sound of his heart shattering. "Please Jensen," she whispered, but he didn't answer. He was physically incapable of answering.   
"Mhm," he mumbled, before pulling the phone away from his ear and disconnecting the call. 

*****

Y/n cried more than she ever had in her life. She cried more than the times she had watched Hachiko as a kid. She cried more than when she watched Me Before You, and more than when she watched The Outsiders in English class. It felt like her heart was being carved out by a serrated hunting knife. Oddly specific, but accurate. 

When the tears finally did subside, she called her voice of reason. 

"I did something," was he first thing she said when the ringing cut off.   
"What?" Came Maja's voice, ready to defend her friend at all costs.   
"It's bad."  
"How bad?"   
"Very bad."   
"Tell me."   
"I started dating someone-"  
"That's great!" Maja interrupted, voice high pitched and happy.   
"Yeah, you won't think so in a second," Yn sighed, rubbing her forehead.   
"Why?"   
"He's married." She closed her eyes and winced, waiting to be reprimanded.   
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry, when did you find out?"

Maja sounded so sympathetic it only made her feel more shameful. 

"I... I already knew," she divulged quietly, dropping back on her bed and silently screaming at the ceiling.   
"Y/n..." Maja began, tone suddenly serious. "Explain." She didn't want to jump to conclusions. 

Y/n explained the whole story to her, all the way from the first time they met till Tom's impromptu visit. 

"Why'd you tell him where I was?" She asked, voice pained with held-back sobs.   
"Hun, you should've heard him. He called me like ten times a day, and when I finally answered the call he was so... just I had to." Her voice was all sympathy and pity, trying to get Y/n to understand.   
"It's fine, I get why you did it, but now Jensen and I are, huff I don't even know."   
"Ok, don't hate me for this, but," Maja stretched the 'u' almost guiltily and it made Y/n's eyebrows furrow. "Isn't it - in a way - good that you and Jensen ended? He's married, and you don't know if he's getting divorced, that makes you a mistress."

Y/n sighed, because deep down, she knew Maja was right. However much she didn't want to think about it, however much she wanted to deny it and pretend that it wasn't what it really is. He was cheating on his wife, she was a mistress, and however much they told each other they loved each other, it didn't make up for what they were doing. 

Y/n nodded even though Maja couldn't see. 

"I guess, but I love him. I really love him, and I'm not sure I could get back together with Tom anyway. I just don't love him anymore."

It was at that moment she truly felt - and realised - her words. She didn't love him. But was it really a better idea to love Jensen? And that thought made her heart hurt impossibly. 

Even before her and Jensen had become... romantically involved, he had helped her move on. Just being her friend in that time had helped, and it was probably that that led to the romance. Their initial connection in a bleak time for both of them. She wondered if all of this would have happened if they hadn't have become friends at first; she didn't think so. 

"What are you gonna do?" Maja finally asked, sighing on her end as well. The whole situation was draining, even if it wasn't directly happening to her.   
"I'm gonna... I don't know what I'm gonna do, why is this so hard?!" Y/n groaned, burying her face into her pillow.   
"Sweetheart, you have to make a decision. My suggestion? Let Tom down easy, first. He needs to know there's nothing to move forward with. Whatever you guys had is gone."   
"Yeah, ok, yeah," Y/n tried to get herself pumped for this. 

Maybe there was a plus side? She was moving on with her life, an even newer chapter, another part of her life she had yet to explore. 

"Good, now go, and update me later," Maja and Y/n said their goodbye's before Y/n got up off the bed and walked into the bathroom. 

She was gonna take control. Soon enough everything would be closer to being ok. She would feel closer to ok. With a smile she washed her face and put on her makeup. 'A little mascara can do wonders,' she thought. 

****

She sat down in front of Tom, hands fidgeting in her lap. She had wanted to look nice, but not provocatively so. (No one needed to get expectations of where this was going).

Tom smiled at her, eyes twinkling like usual, and cleared his throat. She could tell he was about to start talking and knew she wouldn't be able to bear it. Why deal with the heartache his declaration of love would bring, when she was gonna break it anyway?

"Tom," she began, his mouth closing instantly, a small almost imperceptible nod his only indication for her to go on. "I... I can't let you think there's still a chance. I'm so sorry, and I wish there was, honestly it would make my life easier, but it just isn't there. I can't lead you on, and give you false hope because that just isn't right."

Y/n sighed, and tried her hardest not to make it look like one of relief, because that's what it was. It was a sigh of relief because a weight was lifted from her shoulders and she felt better overall. 

"I get that," he told her finally, taking a gulp of his water and nodding his head solemnly.   
"I'm sorry," he finally said, and she knew what he meant. She knew because that's exactly what she was sorry for too. 

****

Y/n had begun to slip her heels off when someone shouted for her to hold the door. When they slipped through the doors Y/n's heart stopped. 

"Hey!" Dani exclaimed happily, smiling at Y/n.   
"Hey," Y/n tried to be as enthusiastic but she wasn't sure that was humanly possible.   
"Hot date tonight?" Dani asked, looking at the dress Y/n had worn. A huffed chuckle left the younger girl's lips as she shook her head.   
"Date? Yes. Hot? No," she answered, trying not to let her heart fall out of her chest. "What are you guys doing tonight?"  
"I'm finally free so it's a date night. We got the sitter and everything," Y/n smiled at Dani, trying her hardest not to cry. 

How was this only hitting her now? She was in a relationship with a married man. Was she a horrible person for not caring at first? Well she was most definitely a horrible person but it depended where most of her shame would go. 

They stepped out on their floor and bid their goodbye's. Y/n threw her heels angrily to the floor. When in doubt, choose anger, she thought, tears burning her vision. She was sick of crying. One small encounter reduced her to tears, what was she? Some emotionally overwhelmed three year old? No. She had to get a grip because life was tough and this was just a challenge to move past.

She aggressively slipped out of the dress and threw it into the closet, followed by her undergarments, till she was redressed in her night clothes. She flopped onto her bed and screamed into the pillow. It didn't help. She did it again. Now her throat was sore and she was just out of breath. 

What had she done? How could she have done it? All these questions ran through her mind, before she thought about Jensen. 

Jensen, who had said hi to her unlike any other neighbour. Jensen, who had asked her to spend time with him so neither would be lonely. Jensen, who always kissed her like there was no tomorrow. He was the guy that taught her she was worth it. He was the man that always asked if she was okay, and was proud of her as she was. Jensen was all the good things she had always wished for and never thought she could have. Then she got him, and now, she realised, she had to let him go. She had to let him go because he already had a woman who loved him, who committed her life to him. That shouldn't just be thrown away like a sack of rotten potatoes.

She let out a final sigh before pulling out her phone and pulling up his contact. 

It took her ten tries to get the courage to press the call button. 

It rung once, twice, three times before he answered. 

"Hello?" His gruff voice made her heart, and her thighs simultaneously clench. It hadn't even been that long, but she had missed him so fucking much. "Hello?" he asked again, confusion now lacing his voice. She cleared her throat, hoping her voice wouldn't give out, or she wouldn't sound too breathless.   
"Hey," her voice was more breathless than she wanted but, eh, what could she do, he made her breathless.   
"Oh," Jensen cleared his throat and asked for a minute. He pulled away and she heard a muffled shout before air rushed over the mic o the phone. "Yes?"   
"I, um, well-"   
"Y/n do you have anything to say?" He sounded tired, exhausted, exasperated.

It made her heart clench as tears welled in her eyes and her head dropped. An involuntary sniffle left her and it made Jensen's heart hurt, but he didn't say anything. Maybe it was his pride that kept him quiet, or his desperation to hear what she had to say, but he knew, many years into the future, he should have said something. 

"I have quite a few things to say," she spoke every word slowly. Choosing carefully, giving processing time, and hoping he knew she meant everything she said. Everything she was saying was important.   
"Ok."   
"First things first," she took a deep breath, preparing for the small speech she had concocted in her head. (Hey, she needed an outline, this was important). "I went to dinner with Tom," she heard his sharp intake of breath but decided to soldier on anyway. He needed to hear this. "I don't love him. I stopped loving him a while ago, and having the time to really think about it really cemented it for me. He was a huge part of my life before, but moving had helped me begin to move on. YOU had helped me move on." 

She took a deep breath and clenched her free hand into a fist. This was so much harder than she thought. Well, everything to do with relationships was always harder than previously thought. 

"Alright," his, normally firm, voice was rather breathless and somehow that was incentive for her to continue.   
"Ok. Here are some things I need you to know. You... I couldn't have ever moved on without you. Your friendship has meant more to me than anything in or out of this world. Our connection is something I will cherish till the day I die, so thank you." Her voice began to wobble with emotion, but she kept on. "Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me, and letting me love you. Thank you for bringing joy into my life in so many different forms. Thank you for going swimming with me, and letting me punch someone in the face. I don't think I ever said thank you for all of that, but just know I'm thankful for it all, every minute." 

Her snot trickled out of her nose and she wiped it with the back of her hand. Jensen had to wipe away his own tears, overcome with emotion. 

"But however thankful I am, however grateful I am to have had that experience, there's other things to worry about. More important things."

The atmosphere tensed and they both knew what was coming. The conversation they had dreaded.

"It's wrong. It never should have started, however amazing, it's wrong. You have a wife, and kids, and I'm a mistress. Anyone finds out, I become a home-wrecker. That's... that's something I just can't live with. I have values Jensen, and while I may have already strayed from them, enough is enough. I can't do it anymore. I can't live this secret life. I can't worry that I'll bump into her if she comes home early, or have to speak to her in the elevator. I just can't," it was her turn to sound tired. Sound exhausted and exasperated. "So that means this is the end. I'm not gonna keep up this relationship, however much it hurts to let it go. Jensen, you should know I love you. I love you so much, and I will always love you, because the kind of love we have doesn't ever fully go away. You will always have a piece of my heart, whether you want it or not." 

Her voice was raw with emotion, and she clenched her eyes so tight her face was starting to hurt. 

"Please," she heard from the other end, a broken plea that tore at the shreds of her heart.   
"It's too hard. Relationships are not supposed to be easy but this? This is too hard. I can't do it anymore Jensen," she dissolved into sobs after saying his name, unable to hold them at bay anymore. 

They just cried over the line for a little while, wallowing in their despair, acknowledging their feelings and wishing there was another way. He listened to her sobs and wondered if it was possible to feel worse. He felt like he had hit rock bottom now, what could he do? Go back to his bleak, loveless, world of grey? He couldn't. Not after having a taste of freedom. Not after tasting what his happiness could be like. 

After both of their fits had subsided slightly, Y/n began once more. 

"I'm visiting a friend tomorrow, and I won't be back for a while, so there's nothing else to say. Goodbye," Jensen was about to protest, but the phone was already away from her ear, and the call was disconnected. 

Jensen leaned against the wall and slid down, head resting against his knees as he was overcome with despair. 

The woman he loved had left him. The woman who had ripped the lifeless cinderblock right from his chest was now gently placing it back as it crumbled between her fingers. 


	14. The End

Y/n packed her bag while crying. Tears dotted her clothes as she sobbed, folding everything into her suitcase. It was hard to pack. It was hard to decide to leave. At this point every little thing she did felt too hard. Even moving her pinky finger felt like a huge feat at this point. 

She let out a sigh as she set her boots down by the bed. She had bought her ticket and had already checked in online, and now she was just awaiting the flight. Her hands clutched tight to the duvet as she lay there, trying to her hardest to hold onto her sanity. 

Why had she had to fall in love with him? Why him? It was like she consistently chose to enter relationships that would hurt her, and leave her emotionally fatigued. Was this what Dr. Phil called self destructive tendencies? Eh, what did it matter? 

*****

Jensen splashed water in his face, jaw set as he stared at himself in the mirror. No. No. No. 

Jensen was not a quitter. He wouldn't let her go just like that. He knew exactly what he had to do. It was not going to be easy. AT. ALL. 

With red-rimmed eyes and trembling hands, he walked out of the bathroom and steeled himself to everything that was about to happen. He was about to turn a page in his life, start a new chapter. It was gonna be crazy hard, crazy confusing, there would definitely be challenges, and he might want to quit, but he couldn't. He couldn't quit because it would mean his girl could be with him. They could live together and kiss in public and wouldn't have to worry about getting caught. 

"Hey Dani," he told her, getting ready to drop the bomb. Wow, this was harder than he ever thought possible.   
"Oh, hey sweetheart, you alright?" Dani's eyebrows knit together to form a frown and Jensen had to look away.   
"We need to talk." His tone was sombre and his eyes betrayed him.   
"About?' Dani put down whatever she was holding (Jensen didn't really care) and turned to fully face him. She crossed her arms over her chest and steeled her expression. It was almost as if she knew what was coming. 

"I can't do this anymore."   
"What?" Her voice was breathless and her eyes were wide. He had to look away.   
"I can't pretend to be happy anymore. This, us, it's a lie now." He teared up, his emotions getting the better of him.   
"What? Where is this coming from? Jensen are you ok?" Dani's lips wobbled and her frown deepened. What the fuck was happening.   
"Come on, don't act clueless, you know it too. How can we love each other when we don't even know each other anymore?" Dani sat down on the couch with a sigh, leaning on her legs and rubbing a hand down her face. Jensen went and sat in front of her.   
"Ya," she finally answered, looking up at him with pained and tired eyes. "I know. I didn't want to admit it but you're right." 

Jensen let out a sigh of relief. This was easier than he thought it would be. 

"We had a great ten years," he told her, smiling softly. 

She laughed and nodded, kissing his cheek before going to their room. 

Jensen knew that they would be ok. They cared about the kids enough, and the early years of their marriage counted for something. 

Now Jensen was on a mission. He had to get his girl back. He had to get her back because he knew for sure that she was the one who would make his life better. It was her. 

****

Y/n heard a loud banging at her door, and she was severely tempted not to answer, but it seemed important. Who would bang on her door so aggressively right now if it wasn't important? 

She slid out of bed and rubbed her eyes as she pulled the door open. 

There he stood, chest heaving, hands trembling, but his eyes. It was his eyes that caught her. They were steely, and hard, and bore into her own. He grabbed her by the face and kissed her. It was firm, and crackling, and it gave her the urge to raise one of her feet. She could never deny Jensen a kiss. She knew that even after they broke up, he would always be her weakness. 

Slowly, he pulled away, eyes closed, savouring the moment. She opened her eyes and looked at him concernedly, eyes full of pain and confusion. 

"Jensen?" Her voice was so soft that, at first, she thought he didn't hear her.   
"I'm yours. You can't get rid of me," he smiled at her and kissed her again before she pulled away.   
"What?"  
"Dani and I are over. I love you. I. Love. You. I'm gonna shout it to the world, because it's you and me," he smiled widely at her. 

Jensen felt free. He felt happy. He felt all the things he forgot how to feel before Y/n came along. It made him want to cry, and laugh, and scream, and love her till they both died because this was it. This was all he needed. _She_ was all he needed. 

"I love you," she whispered, tears spilling from her eyes in droves. 

They were right for each other, because they found each other in the moments they needed each other most. 

"Let's go swimming," he whispered, and she laughed so loud it echoed in the courtyard. 


End file.
